My Fair Barmaid: A Comedy
by Leah Pensotti
Summary: Complete! Sequels to follow? Boromir and Faramir make a wager over a brassy and messy barmaid from Dol Amroth. Please read and review!
1. Wouldn't it be loverly?

*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth.  
  
* This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before iFellowship/i. Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.  
  
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter One: Wouldn't it be Loverly?  
  
"Brother, you have yet again found the filthiest Inn for us to reside in. How do you accomplish such atrocious feats?'  
  
Faramir looked to his brother and sighed, "Let us remember, Boromir that we are in Dol Amroth for a purpose. We are to hold counsel with Prince Imrahil as father wishes."  
  
As they stepped out of the torrential rainstorm into the inn entitled "The Finicky Fief," Boromir looked around the bar room with disgust. It was a ramshackle, filled with peasants and shadowy figures. He eyed his brother with annoyance, "I am quite aware of our purpose, Faramir. Come, let's sit and dine."  
  
They found a table in an uninhabited corner and sat. Faramir studied his brother closely and saw the pure distaste written on his normally noble and handsome face, "Boromir! For pity's sake! Liven up a bit. This is another one of our adventures."  
  
Boromir chuckled heartily, "Actually, it is more of an embarrassment. Where is the help? We have been sitting here too long."  
  
Faramir shook his head, "Patience, brother. Oh, here she comes now."  
  
Boromir turned to see a mousy-haired barmaid ambling toward them. Her hair was pulled back haphazardly, she wore a brown tattered dress that fell messily off her shoulders and a yellowed apron about her waist. Faramir studied her carefully, her face could be fair, but it was in need of a good washing. Her hair looks as though it suffered the same plight, for beneath the mousy color there appeared to be hints of brassy gold.  
  
She gave them a bright smile and they smiled in return. Expecting a somewhat demure tone, the brothers were shocked with the sound that came from her welcoming mouth, "So wha' can I get for ye fellas tonight?"  
  
Boromir seemed to be rendered speechless, so Faramir answered timidly, "Ale, please?"  
  
The barmaid smiled again, "I'll be right back with yer ale."  
  
As she walked back to the bar, Boromir began to laugh hysterically, "What a fine mess she is!"  
  
Faramir gave his older brother a chastising look, "Don't be rude, Boromir. She is but a barmaid, who knows what lies beneath the soot and the ill- fitting clothes?"  
  
Boromir smiled in spite of himself, "I have no doubt, brother, that she would be passable in looks with a bath and a comb. However, someone should force her to learn proper speech."  
  
At that moment the barmaid arrived with two mugs of ale and a plate filled with bread and cheese. Boromir stifled a laugh. Faramir, in attempt to cover his brother's rudeness engaged her in idle conversation, "Please, Lady, what is your name?"  
  
The barmaid looked at him with shock, "Lady, eh? Well you are right good gentlemen! Me name is Hallahiriel!"  
  
Faramir smiled, "That is a lovely name."  
  
Boromir nodded in agreement, "A lovely name indeed."  
  
Hallahiriel beamed, "Thank you!"  
  
Boromir chuckled, "Yes, a lovely name so wasted on a bawdy guttersnipe."  
  
Hallahiriel's face fell and then twisted in anger, "Ah-Ah-Ah-ow-ow-oo!"  
  
Boromir looked at his brother, "What a sound! Have you ever heard such a thing? It's amazing!"  
  
Faramir whispered in hushed anger, "Boromir, you are out of line. That is no way to treat a lady."  
  
Hallahiriel whimpered, "Thank ye kindly. Yer a proper gentleman."  
  
Faramir sighed, "You must pardon my brother, Lady Hallahiriel. My brother knows nothing of women."  
  
Hallahiriel nodded, "I ain't a guttersnipe. I ain't done no 'arm. I 'spect to be treated like a lady."  
  
She stalked off, wounded but defiant by the words of Boromir. She kept in relative closeness to the table to hear what they argued about, if the kind brother would take to her defense.  
  
Faramir huffed at his brother, "Honestly, Boromir. What did that poor girl do to you except smile and bring you ale?"  
  
Boromir took a swig from his mug; "She polluted my ears with the vulgarity of her incessant butchering of the proper language. And by the way little brother, I know more of women than you."  
  
Faramir sighed, "You certainly didn't act like it. Your arrogance astounds me."  
  
An uneven silence fell over their table as Boromir rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "With the right lessons and a good cleaning, she could become a proper lady."  
  
Faramir chuckled now, "And who would teach her? You?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
Faramir's face turned serious, "You're joking! You know nothing of being a lady! In fact your relational skills are quite poor."  
  
Boromir drank his ale once more, "With my help, I could pass her off as a princess in six months."  
  
Hallahiriel's eyes widened as the thought of her as a proper lady with proper clothes circled in her skull. She felt terrible for eavesdropping; yet it instilled her with hope.  
  
~~  
  
The next day after meeting with Prince Imrahil, Boromir and Faramir returned to "The Finicky Fief" at dusk. As they opened the door to their lodgings, the found the barmaid Hallahiriel sitting by the fire, waiting for them.  
  
Boromir crowed, "Well, Faramir! We have company! What are you doing here, you blasted girl?"  
  
Hallahiriel twisted her hands nervously. Faramir took notice of her appearance; she wore a less-tattered dress, it was heather-blue in color. She combed her hair and it hung straight down her back. Her face was clean and the color of her eyes was visible as the blue-grey that was common amongst the people of Dol Amroth. She smiled gently and smoothed her nervous hands on her skirt, "I came to take Master Boromir up on 'is offer."  
  
Boromir looked confused; "I made you no offer, silly girl."  
  
Hallahiriel smiled, "O yes ye did. Last night ye said with the proper lessons, I could pass fer a princess in six months. Yeh see, I want to be a proper lady and work as a handmaiden, but I need to be more ladylike, yeh see."  
  
Boromir stepped closer to her, "You were eavesdropping? Why you sniveling little barn rat!"  
  
Hallahiriel let out another wretched cry, "Ahhhh-Ahhh-Ooo!"  
  
Boromir sighed, "Not again!"  
  
Faramir looked at his brother fondly and then spoke, "Boromir, you've caught my interest. I will pay for her lessons. I think we should make a wager. You fufill your prediction of passing Hallahiriel off as a princess in six months, and I shall never correct you again and I will pay you for her lessons in full."  
  
Hallahiriel gave Faramir a cock-eyed smile, "Why thank ye, 'Cappin. You are a right good man."  
  
Boromir looked curiously at his brother, "And if I lose?"  
  
Faramir smiled, "Then Hallahiriel will become a handmaiden in the White City, with no loss to you."  
  
Boromir nodded slyly, "Why, it's an irresistible offer!"  
  
Faramir smiled, "Then it's settled. Hallahiriel, you will leave with us in an hour. Go and pack your things."  
  
Hallahiriel giggled girlishly, "Thank ye 'Cappin! I'll be a good girl, yeh'll see!"  
  
Boromir stated firmly, "There's no need to pack anything. We will supply everything there. We will have to burn her clothes immediately after we return to Minas Tirith. The poor staff will have to scrub her down, it's like she has never seen the inside off a bath!"  
  
As Boromir haughtily stepped out the door, Hallahiriel released a frustrated cry; "Ahhhhhhhh-Ahhhhh-hoooo-ooo."  
  
~~  
  
A/N: I hope everyone likes this, I am trying to keep it in the vein of "My Fair Lady," I realize that Boromir is out of character, but this is a parody and he is the Henry Higgins.Up next: Lesson #1! Please read and review! 


	2. I'm An Ordinary Man

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! Please, keep them coming!  
  
*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth.  
  
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship". Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.  
  
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter Two: I'm An Ordinary Man  
  
The journey from Dol Amroth was a long one for Hallahiriel. Boromir refused to let her ride with him so she sat squeezed between the luggage and Faramir on nearly the tail end of the horse. Faramir led her through the door as Boromir lagged fitfully behind. A small, older woman approached, wiping her hands dry on her apron. Her graying hair was pulled back neatly and she was adorned in an exquisite, simple maroon dress.  
  
"Good day, masters! How wonderful to have you home!"  
  
Faramir smiled warmly at her; "It's good to be home, Corerith!"  
  
Boromir nodded in agreement, "Never have I heard a more true statement. Dol Amroth was fine with the exception of our lodgings. We have a perfect specimen of the sort of scruff there that has tagged along."  
  
Corerith turned her attention to the girl, who looked quite rumpled. Corerith smiled mildly, "Who is this?"  
  
Hallahiriel smiled in return, "Me name is Hallahiriel, I'm a barmaid at the Finicky Fief. Master Boromir's gonna teach me to be a proper lady, 'e is."  
  
The woman put her hands on her hips and turned to Boromir; "Surely she's joking. You know nothing of women, let alone how to teach someone to be one. Besides, it is improper to bring such a common girl here and fill her head with such promises and wild ideas. We have no place to keep her."  
  
Boromir smiled playfully, "No worries, she'll sleep with the hunting hounds."  
  
Hallahiriel's eyes snapped shut and her fists clenched in frustration, "Awww-Oooh-Ooo!"  
  
Corerith clasped her hand over the girl's mouth and spoke sternly, "Sush, you silly thing. We have no need for such noises here."  
  
Hallahiriel's face fell as the woman removed her hand; "I want to be a lady, is all."  
  
Faramir smiled in a comforting manner, "Corerith, please take Hallahiriel to the bath, clean her thoroughly and then help her choose a new wardrobe."  
  
Corerith shook her head, "But Master Faramir, what about her parents?"  
  
Hallahiriel turned scornful; "I ain't got any. Not worth mentionin', they are."  
  
Corerith placed a finger beneath the girl's chin, "How old are you, girl?"  
  
Hallahiriel stood proud, "I'm twen'ny three, and I'm a good girl I am."  
  
The older woman turned to the two men, "What if she's married?"  
  
Hallahiriel blushed and chuckled, "Gooooooon."  
  
Boromir shook his head, "A new sound."  
  
The girl continued to chuckle loudly, "Who'd wanna marry me?"  
  
Boromir smiled, "Why, Hallahiriel, when I'm through with you, men will be throwing their noble selves from all corners of Middle-Earth just to earn a bit of your attention. You'll have to beat them off from every angle. Offers of marriage will become a commonplace thing and so will the finest jewels and gowns. You'll be able to swim in them."  
  
Hallahiriel looked terribly frightened, "Yeh've gone mad you 'ave. I don't want no men thowin' themselves at me! I wanna go back to Dol Amroth, yeh hear!"  
  
Boromir held her at arm length, "Come now, girl. You shouldn't turn down our generous offer. Live here with clean clothes, baths, clean sheets, and good food. If you did, you would surely be the most ungrateful scalawag ever to grace Middle-Earth. Hallahiriel, you will live here for six months. You will learn manners and you will learn to speak the proper language flawlessly. If you behave you will be rewarded with fine garments and other pretty things. If you are naughty, Corerith has permission to lock you in the dungeons. At the end of the six months, we shall take you to a dinner at Prince Imrahil's. If he fails to see the Princess, and only the barmaid-he will expose you for what you really are and then lead you to the tower and rid you of your head. He will mount your head an a pole to warn other barmaids from ever attempting the same feat."  
  
Faramir stepped to his brother, "Why must you scare the poor girl with lies? Hallahiriel, no such thing will ever happen to you, I won't allow it."  
  
Hallahiriel gave him a thankful grin, "Yeh're a right fine gentleman, Cappin' Faramir."  
  
Boromir nodded to Corerith, "Scrub her completely clean, burn the clothes she's wearing and find her new ones. Then you may show her the quarters."  
  
Corerith led Hallahiriel gently by the wrist and up the stairs. Hallahiriel looked disdainfully at Boromir, wanting nothing more than to pull out his reddish-chin length hair.  
  
~~  
  
As evening approached, Faramir and Boromir lounged by the hearth in large chairs. Corerith had been on her task for nearly three hours and many yells and kicks could be heard from the general direction of the bath. Suddenly, with tiredness worn on her face, Corerith emerged at the top of the stairs. Upon hearing her footsteps, Boromir and Faramir turned to meet the sight of Hallahiriel freshly scrubbed and radiant descending down the stairs.  
  
They both rose to their feet, as the once-filthily girl approached them. Hallahiriel wore a simple cream colored dress tied about the waist with a deep blue sash. Her skin, still pink from the rigorous bathing, shone pale and fair. However, Faramir was most astonished by her hair, for it was not the color of brass; but a rich coppery gold. It fell in soft waves over her shoulders and framed her round face that looked curiously at them.  
  
As her grey-blue eyes prodded them anxiously, Faramir thought he heard his brother's breathing stop.  
  
Faramir seized the moment, "What a spectacular transformation! You look every bit of the lady, Hallahiriel."  
  
The girl gave him a toothy grin and laughed loudly, "That I do, don' I. I thank yeh greatly!"  
  
Boromir smiled in spite of himself, "Looks like a lady, yes. Sounds like a lady, no. No worries, Halla. You soon shall. We start lessons tomorrow. It will be long and arduous, no doubt. Go to bed fair guttersnipe, we have much work to do."  
  
Hallahiriel grunted in disgust at Boromir, but ultimately felt too tired to fight. She nodded gently and then trudged up to her quarters.  
  
~~  
  
A/N: Next chapter-Hallahiriel's father comes for money, lessons drive Halla mad, and Boromir shows the side we all know and love. This is different, fusing two well-known stories with original characters. I pray that I am doing them both justice.  
  
While you wait for my next chappie-try reading my two other stories "A Sorta Fairytale" and "Judgement of the Moon and Stars."  
  
Thanks! Please read and review! 


	3. With a Little Bit of Luck

A/N: I Heart Reviews! I hope everyone continues to read this story and enjoy it!  
  
*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth.  
  
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship". Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.  
  
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter Three: With a Little Bit of Luck  
  
"But I'm tired! I'm tired! I can' do it no more!"  
  
It was closing in on midnight and Hallahiriel was shouting at Boromir at the top of her lungs. Boromir had a frustrated look on his face, "It's 'I cannot do it ANY more.' When will you start opening your ears, you blasted girl?"  
  
Hallahiriel rubbed her eyes wearily and yawned. Boromir fell down on an accompanying chair and rubbed the tension from his forehead. It had been a long week for them both. He looked to the girl and saw her falling asleep sitting up; her reddish hair pulled back with a cloth ribbon that matched her deep green dress. Corerith had done a great deal of work, keeping this girl clean and well groomed.  
  
Boromir chuckled and then said sternly, "Alright, alright. We are finished for the evening. However, I expect to see you first thing in the morning and we will start exactly where we left off. It would be in your best interest to work hard tomorrow and make some progress, or else I will be in a foul mood indeed."  
  
Hallahiriel nodded, sleep still beckoning to her. She rose quietly and walked to her quarters, leaving Boromir in his chair and alone with his thoughts.  
  
~~  
  
The next morning, Faramir greeted Boromir in the hall, "Good morning brother. How are the lessons coming?"  
  
Boromir sighed, "She must be daft. She has shown no progress. I honestly think that she has learned nothing."  
  
Faramir laughed, "She sounded quite frustrated with you as well last night. I could hear her in my quarters."  
  
Boromir grimaced, "Don't remind me. That sound and tone is the stuff of nightmares."  
  
Suddenly, a guard emerged at the door and approached the brothers, "Lord Boromir, there is a man here to see you. Says his name is Gweddyn and that you have kidnapped his daughter."  
  
Boromir turned to Faramir and then turned back to the guard, "Show him in."  
  
A few minutes later, the guard came back, leading an older man with an intolerable scowl on his face. He was short, stout and had a mass of filthy gray hair. As he walked toward Boromir and Faramir, he began to yell at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Wha' 'ave yeh scoundrels done with me daughter?"  
  
Boromir kept a calm look on his face, "And who are you, sir?"  
  
The man's face flushed in anger, "Me name is Gweddyn. I 'ave come from Dol Amroth to take back me daughter, I 'ave."  
  
Faramir looked perplexed, "What is your daughters name?"  
  
Gweddyn scowled so deeply that the lines in his face soon became creases, "Hallahiriel. Tha' blasted girl 'as walked out of me Inn and left me short a barmaid."  
  
Boromir turned to his brother, "The girl said that she didn't have any parents, correct?"  
  
Faramir smiled at him matter-of-factly, "Actually, after she said that she followed with 'they're not worth mentioning'."  
  
Gweddyn looked wounded and cried rather over-dramatically; "Me own daughter spoke such words against me?"  
  
Boromir shot back, "Does she have a reason to?"  
  
Gweddyn paced infront of the great hearth, "Well she always 'ad a bit o' a spat with 'er step mother she did. Come to think, she never really cared for me habits either."  
  
Faramir raised a curious eyebrow, "And what habits might you have?"  
  
The man scratched his head, "Wine, women and song."  
  
Faramir looked unsurprised, "Oh."  
  
Gweddyn gave a hostile look, "And wha' may I ask would yeh fine gentlemen find so interestin' bout Hallahiriel?"  
  
Boromir scowled, "And what are you implying, Gweddyn? That we have some sort of sordid and ill-purposes for your daughter?"  
  
Gweddyn shook his head, "Oh no, my lord. But I'm just askin' as a father. If she is goin' to marry yeh-I'd be losin' a fine worker."  
  
Faramir stifled a laugh and Boromir gave the older man a look of disgust, "Marry her? Heavens, no. So you came for riches, did you?"  
  
Faramir turned angry, "You want us to PAY you for your daughter? You want to sell her to us? Have you no morals?"  
  
Boromir sighed, "No wonder you weren't worth mentioning. Fine, if paying you is the way to let Hallahiriel stay, then so be it. However-"  
  
Before he could finish, Hallahiriel and Corerith descended down the stairs. Hallahiriel wore a deep blue dress and her wavy hair was tied back. As she caught sight of who was standing in the hall, her face contorted to that of anger.  
  
Gweddyn looked at her and smiled, "Hello ladies, me name is Gweddyn."  
  
Hallahiriel's face burned a deep scarlet, "Don't yeh recognize yeh're own daughter? Yeh despicable drunkard!"  
  
Her father laughed heartily and then gave her a yellowed smile, "Why Halla! Look at yeh! Yeh clean up right well!"  
  
Hallahiriel fumed, "Wha' are yeh doin' 'ere?"  
  
Gweddyn gave her a squeeze and she recoiled, "Wha' pumpkin?"  
  
She stomped her foot, "Pumpkin indeed! And don' yeh dare soil me good dress! I said wha' are yeh doin' 'ere?"  
  
He sighed, "Well, yeh're step mother and I were worried. Yeh came up missin' and all. Then we found out tha' yeh'd gone off with two men-"  
  
Hallahiriel looked to Boromir and Faramir and then back to her father, "O' I see. Yeh came 'ere to take them for somethin', eh? Another one of yeh're swindles? It ain't happenin' this time so yeh can just go back to that woman of yehr's. Yeh ain't getting' nothin' from them or from me."  
  
Boromir smiled broadly, "Well put Halla! Now, Gweddyn my friend. You heard what you're daughter wishes. Do be a reasonable man and do what she wishes."  
  
Gweddyn looked downtrodden, "Me own daughter."  
  
Faramir stepped forward to the guard, "Please show this man out and give him what he needs for the journey back to Dol Amroth."  
  
The guard looked pleased as he took Gweddyn by the shoulder and led him out. Hallahiriel still clenched her fists in anger as Boromir gave her an odd look, "Well?"  
  
Hallahiriel cocked her head, "Wha'?"  
  
Boromir said sternly, "Back to work. It's time to practice."  
  
Hallahiriel looked dumfounded, "But-"  
  
Faramir placed a hand on her shoulder and looked at his brother, "Come now, Boromir. Have some pity on her-"  
  
Boromir laughed, "That is the last thing she needs, brother. What she needs is practice. Faramir, you stop that right this minute."  
  
Faramir looked shocked, "Stop what?"  
  
"Being nice to her. You'll become her sympathetic ear and she'll use it to turn you against me."  
  
Hallahiriel cried, "Awww-Oooo! I'd do no such thing. I'm a good girl I am! Yeh've got no heart!"  
  
Boromir stopped for a moment. Is that how she saw him? Heartless? He thought himself to be far from it. He shook off the thought and looked at her plainly, "Come now. We've got work to accomplish."  
  
~~  
  
A/N: Next up: By George I think Halla's got it! Boromir and Faramir take her to one of their father's banquets and she snares a suitor. 


	4. I Could've Danced All Night

A/N: I love you all! Please enjoy!  
  
*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth.  
  
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship". Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.  
  
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter Four: I Could've Danced All Night  
  
A month had passed and numerous lessons had come and gone. Hallahiriel struggled with language and etiquette and feared that every day Corerith would take advantage of locking her in the dungeons. Luckily, for Hallahiriel, that never came to pass.  
  
She sat up with Boromir and Faramir until the wee hours of the morning, when the sun began to rise over the great tower. Boromir suffered headaches induced by her horrible accent and her incessant defiant cries of, "I can'! I can'. 'S too 'ard!"  
  
One night, actually early morning, just hours before daybreak, Hallahiriel, Boromir, and Faramir sat exhausted in the hall by the fire. A three suffered the same ailment, sheer exhaustion. Boromir rubbed his temples until they became numb, his eyes snapped shut. Hallahiriel slumped in a large chair, her face worn and tear-stained. Faramir sat closest to the fire and was near sleep with a book open and resting on his nose.  
  
Boromir sighed, clearly annoyed; "Once again, Halla."  
  
Hallahiriel's face winced, "I can'! I CAN'! I'm too tired!"  
  
Boromir rose from his chair, "You drop syllables like apples from a tree. This is exactly why we work so hard. I realize you are tired and that you are under quite a bit of duress. I realize that you think I am cruel and unforgiving. Please Halla, do it again."  
  
Hallahiriel noticed how Boromir's voice softened when he spoke those words to her. He had worked very hard with her and had not given up on her yet. Hallahiriel focused hard, she did wish to do well and succeed.  
  
"I am Hallahiriel, my lord. It is very kind of you to let me come"  
  
Her tongue flowed with such elegance that she has never been known to possess. Her eyes grew wide and Boromir leaned forward, not sure if his ears had betrayed him. Faramir's eyes opened and he slid the book off his nose and sat up straight.  
  
They sat silent for awhile, shocked by what she had just said. Boromir stood and took her by the hands, "Say it again."  
  
Hallahiriel put all of her energy into the words, forming them just right, keeping the consonants intact; "I am Hallahiriel, my lord. It is very kind of you to let me come."  
  
A wide grin spread across Boromir's face, "I think she's got it Faramir! The blasted, hard-headed girl has done it."  
  
Faramir stood and placed his book on the desk. Boromir scooped Hallahiriel into his arms and spun her around the room. Hallahiriel's heart leaped in her chest. She had done it and now Boromir smiled. Boromir put her down on the ground and went to his brother, "Faramir, we must test her in a situation."  
  
Faramir shrugged, "Where? Besides, don't you think it is a little soon? She has only said one sentence."  
  
Boromir chuckled, "Nonsense! We must strike while the iron is hot. Father is having company tomorrow is he not?"  
  
Faramir nodded, "Yes, the Lady Brumwen and her son Owynvan, I believe. But Boromir, we cannot just barge in-"  
  
Boromir smiled, "We must have Corerith fetch Halla a stunning dress. She must look her best. We must pass her off as a proper lady."  
  
Hallahiriel sighed in the background; she was so weary yet energized by the occurrences of the night. Corerith slipped downstairs quietly and called to the men, "My lords, it is nearly dawn. It is not right to keep the young lady up at this hour. She needs her rest."  
  
Corerith took Hallahiriel by the arm and led her upstairs, her head in a dream, "Come girl, off to bed. You'll sleep the day away at this point."  
  
Boromir called after them; "She cannot do that, Corerith! She has an appearance tomorrow. Dress her in her finest clothes for dinner with my father."  
  
Corerith looked skeptical, but then nodded, "Yes, my lord. She will look lovely."  
  
Boromir called once again in a calm, happy tone, "Goodnight, Halla."  
  
Hallahiriel looked down to him and smiled. She spoke smoothly, "Goodnight, Lord Boromir. And you Lord Faramir."  
  
She sighed thickly as Corerith led her out of sight and to her quarters. As she was tucked in bed, she commented in her new found speech to the older woman, "I do not think I shall sleep a bit tonight. Too many exciting things happened."  
  
Corerith looked at the girl proudly. "Yes girl. You have done a good job. But you need your rest. It sounds like Boromir and Faramir have quite a time cooked up for you tomorrow."  
  
As Corerith left the room, Hallahiriel smiled happily at the memory of Boromir spinning her around the room with glee. Indeed it was a good night. She wished that it could go on forever and never end.  
  
~~  
  
A/N-next chapter, Halla fudges at dinner and Owynvan finds her quite intriguing. 


	5. Just You Wait

A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! Feel free to e-mail me anytime! Please read, enjoy and review!  
  
*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth.  
  
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship". Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.  
  
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter Five: Just You Wait  
  
Boromir journeyed to the main hall the next afternoon to prepare his father for his last minute dinner guest. As he opened the thick door, he saw his father, Denethor, the Steward of Gondor speaking to Lady Brumwen and her son, who had already arrived. When Denethor caught sight of his eldest son, a smile washed upon his face, "Boromir? Whatever are you doing here?"  
  
Boromir embraced his father warmly; "I have come to tell you of more company."  
  
He lead his father away from the other dinner guests and whispered, "Faramir and I are conducting an experiment, and we need you're help."  
  
Denethor's brow wrinkled, "Faramir? He's coming? What a disagreeable surprise. He promised never to come to such meetings."  
  
Boromir frowned a bit, "He is a good man, Father. He doesn't cause trouble."  
  
Denethor shook his head and waved his hand, "Nevermind, boy. Lady Brumwen has a lovely young daughter at home, Therassa, I believe. She is close to your age and I think that it would suit you well to meet her. It's time to discuss the future of our house."  
  
Boromir's eyes bulged a bit, "Father, I have as much use for a screech owl as do I for a wife. I have no plans to marry-especially not that horrid woman's daughter."  
  
Denethor sighed, "Son, it troubles me so that you have not found a maid--"  
  
Boromir huffed, "About our experiment. Faramir is bringing down another guest. She is a young lady from Dol Amroth."  
  
Denethor grinned and patted his son's shoulder, "Ah, from whence your mother came. She must be lovely then. My Boromir having a love affair! When shall we announce the betrothal? What is her name, this creature that will bring our house an heir?"  
  
Boromir waved the questions away and laughed fully, "Father, you are getting ahead of yourself. It is not a love affair, for pity's sake. She is nothing but a barmaid. However, she has been transformed from a mere guttersnipe. We are trying to pass her off as a lady, she will attend a ball at the end of five months and we thought we should, er, test her out."  
  
"One of her sort? A brassy barfly-here?"  
  
"No worries father, she has strict instruction on what to speak about. She is to remain on the subject of the guests health and the weather."  
  
Denethor relented and nodded, "Very well, then. Come, let me introduce you to our guests."  
  
Lady Brumwen was short and toadlike, her grey hair wrapped into a severe bun. She wore an extravagant gown, heavily beaded and covered in embroidery. She patted Boromir's face and grinned, "Ah, such a handsome man. A perfect match for my young Therassa. You really must meet her, Lord Boromir."  
  
Boromir grimaced, "I fear that my time is needed elsewhere at the moment, Lady Brumwen."  
  
Her son, Owynvan, was younger than Faramir-twenty-three at the most. He stood proud before Boromir, though he stood smaller and stature. His hair was a dark brown and his features finely chiseled.  
  
"It is good to meet you, Lord Boromir. Rarely is such the chance given because of your travels."  
  
Boromir wished to sneer at the boy, but could not find the energy to do it. He still craved sleep after the deprivation he experienced for a month. Boromir nodded and grumbled, "Indeed."  
  
Suddenly, the hall door opened and in walked Faramir with Hallahiriel on his arm. Boromir looked awestruck and studied the girl closely. Corerith had indeed worked magic, for Hallahiriel was stunning. She wore a deep blue gown, the color of twilight, fitted to the waist. A cream colored sash was slung low about her hips and offset the tiny white flowers that Corerith weaved into her coppery hair. The top was tied back from her face, but the rest tumbled down her back in burnished auburn waves. Her skin glowed with such radiance, that it was as if they had all been embraced by a sunbeam.  
  
Hallahiriel smiled brightly at Boromir as she neared close to him. Faramir came to a halt infront of his brother, father, and the guests. Faramir nodded at his brother knowingly, seeing the look on Boromir's face. Boromir took Hallahiriel by the hand and kissed it gently, "Lady Hallahiriel."  
  
She fought the urge to blush and trilled eloquently, "Lord Boromir."  
  
Boromir offered her his arm and she took it happily. Boromir presented her to his father and to the other guests, "Father, Lady Brumwen, Owynvan; this is Lady Hallahiriel from Dol Amroth. She is a guest here in our city."  
  
Denethor appraised the look of the girl and gave a small smile, "It is very good to meet you my dear girl."  
  
Hallahiriel gave a small curtsy, "And you, My Lord. It is kind of you to let me come."  
  
Boromir smiled as Hallahiriel's speech never faltered. He caught sight of Lady Brumwen, who looked on disapprovingly. The older woman grimaced and then sighed, "Pray tell, Lady Hallahiriel what calls you to Minas Tirith?"  
  
Hallahiriel looked worriedly at Boromir; she did not know how to answer. She cleared her throat and responded, "I am here on personal business, my lady."  
  
Lady Brumwen looked quite unsatisfied with her answer, feeling quite sure that this girl is the reason that Lord Boromir would not consent to meet her daughter. Therassa (in her opinion) was quite superior to Hallahiriel in every way.  
  
Lady Brumwen opened her mouth to reply, but was cut off by her overzealous son, Owynvan.  
  
"Mother, don't interrogate the girl, she is but a guest."  
  
Owynvan took Hallahiriel's free hand and kissed it flirtatiously. Hallahiriel tried not to lash out at him for being saucy, but she controlled her feelings and emitted only a mild blush across her cheeks. Owynvan smiled warmly, "Lady Hallahiriel, it is an honor to meet you. Might I inquire how long you will be in the city?"  
  
Hallahiriel nodded, "For quite awhile."  
  
She clutched on to Boromir, not wanting to let the young man any closer. Boromir suppressed a laugh as he watched Owynvan struggle for Hallahiriel's attention. As they made their way to the dinner hall, Hallahiriel remained on Boromir's arm with Owynvan nattering on beside her. Hallahiriel spoke little but gave polite nods to him, really hoping that he would just disappear.  
  
As they sat at the table, Hallahiriel gave Faramir pleading glances to sit on her other side, so that Owynvan would not. Faramir, reading her body language perfectly, swooped in before Owynvan could touch the chair. For certain, he did not wish to sit next to Lady Brumwen and have her try to pass of her daughter on him. As Faramir flanked Hallahiriel with Boromir, Owynvan looked a bit disappointed and sat on the other side with his mother.  
  
Unfortunately, for Hallahiriel, Owynvan stared a hole through her from across the table. She ignored him as the others carried on polite, yet civil conversation. She listened to Boromir curiously, she was beginning to think that he did not care to converse with anyone unless they were his father, his brother, or Corerith.  
  
He had been quite pleasant to her recently-  
  
But that was only because she had improved. He was one step closer to winning the wager.  
  
As they ate their meal, Hallahiriel lost herself in her thoughts-until a questioning voice grabbed for her attention.  
  
"Lady Hallahiriel, might I inquire of your family in Dol Amroth?"  
  
Hallahiriel looked from Faramir to Boromir to find some clue as to what she might say. Boromir shrugged and Faramir waved her on. Hallahiriel's gaze fell back on Owynvan and she swallowed roughly, "Well, there is really not much to tell."  
  
Owynvan remained persistent for every morsel of information, "What of your father and mother?"  
  
She looked frightened, but decided that it would be no good to lie. She, after all, was a very good girl.  
  
"My father is a saucy drunkard who would rather see me slinging beer in a grimy tavern in Dol Amroth, than here in Minas Tirith."  
  
An awkward silence stole the breath from the table. Everyone just stopped. Hallahiriel felt Boromir slouch slightly and groan. Lady Brumwen looked shocked, but intrigued at the light at the end of the tunnel for her precious Therassa, "Slinging beer? Surely you are joking, Lady Hallahiriel. What does your mother think of this?"  
  
"The woman my father calls my stepmother is nothing of the sort. She's mean-spirited and horrible. He's never married her properly, the ass."  
  
Lady Brumwen drew a sharp breath in shock at the girl's language. Lord Denethor nearly choked on his bread and Boromir slapped him on the back and grumbled under his breath about "the blasted girl." Faramir stifled a chuckle while Owynvan laughed boisterously and out loud.  
  
Brumwen looked appalled at her son; "There is nothing funny about this Owynvan."  
  
Faramir ushered Hallahiriel from her seat and nodded to Boromir and the guests, "It's getting late. I fear that Halla and I have much to attend to."  
  
Faramir gave a little bow and pulled Hallahiriel from the dining hall. As he led her to her quarters, Hallahiriel began to cry, "Oh Faramir, I am sorry. I just thought it would be awful to lie. However, everything just got away from me."  
  
Faramir smiled and patted her hand, "You supplied me with a good laugh, lady. I am your ally, but I fear that Boromir will be quite cross."  
  
Hallahiriel's stomach turned and she whimpered as Faramir opened the door. ~~  
  
An hour later, Boromir came huffing through the door to find his brother reading by the fire. Faramir looked up from his book idly, "Whatever is wrong, brother?"  
  
Boromir's handsome face twisted slightly, "I had to negotiate with father if he was to allow Halla to stay."  
  
Faramir closed his book, "And what are the terms?"  
  
"I have to call on that horrid Therassa."  
  
Hallahiriel poked her head from behind the wall and stepped out slowly too meet the two men. Boromir eyed her angrily; she wore her nightgown and a deep amber colored robe. He could see that she had been crying and now she hung her head in such shame that her bottom lip quivered.  
  
Faramir rose and stood beside Hallahiriel; "All and all I think it went well. Halla did not falter with her speech. Not once."  
  
Hallahiriel looked shocked at Faramir's defense and Boromir nodded. He laughed heartily, "Indeed! She spoke beautifully! Exquisitely! Even the horrible filth that came from her mouth was presented as a love poem!"  
  
Hallahiriel gaped at Boromir, trying to decipher his true feelings. Boromir came close to her and touched a strand of hair, "Look at her Faramir! When she came through those doors, I thought it was an elf-maid I saw and not the lowly barn rat we discovered in Dol Amroth. Hallahiriel was captivating! She spoke beautifully, walked beautifully, and ate beautifully! It did go well, you know. She had us all fooled until she poisoned us with poor taste and subject matter in wonderfully proper speech! Yet, there is still one fooled. That inane Owynvan wishes to court our barmaid."  
  
Faramir looked surprised, "How did this happen?"  
  
"The silly boy came up and asked me. It seems that he was quite taken with her."  
  
Faramir laughed, "And what did you tell him?"  
  
"No. Halla has enough problems without the likes of him. She needs to concentrate on her lessons. She's almost there, Faramir. She needs some smoothing around the edges. That's all. Despite the fiasco this afternoon, she has come leaps and bounds."  
  
Hallahiriel looked up at Boromir calmly, "Why did you tell him no?"  
  
Boromir sighed, "Because Halla, there is much to do and very little time in which to do it."  
  
"He wants to call on me, Boromir. Not you."  
  
Boromir sighed very thickly, "Let us remember, Halla, that I have to call on Owynvan's frightful sister tomorrow because of you. Keep it up and I will have to marry her."  
  
Hallahiriel called to him as he walked away, "But Boromir-"  
  
Her turned slightly and smiled, "Trust me, Halla, I'd much rather spend tomorrow with you yelling at me all afternoon."  
  
~~  
  
A/N: Next up: Halla sees Owynvan, Boromir calls on Therassa, Brumwen does detective work and Faramir does damage control!  
  
Please Read and Review! 


	6. Show Me

A/N: I HEART reviews! I HEART you all! I promise more-a lot more to come!  
  
*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth.  
  
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship". Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.  
  
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter Six: Show Me  
  
As Hallahiriel woke the next morning, a deep sense of regret pulled at her chest. The meal the night before was a terrible fiasco. Before she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, Corerith bustled into the room carrying an amber colored gown in her arms.  
  
"Time to get up, Halla. Lord Boromir wishes to see you before he leaves."  
  
Hallahiriel's brow wrinkled in confusion, "Where is he going at such an early hour?"  
  
Corerith shook her head, "Silly girl, it's nearly noon. He has to go call on Therassa, Lady Brumwen's daughter."  
  
Hallahiriel sighed, "I suppose that is my fault as well."  
  
The older woman chuckled, "Yes, it is. Lord Boromir is quite angry about it."  
  
Hallahiriel hung her head, "Will I ever do anything right? I've tried and tried so hard, but nothing I do seems to please Lord Boromir. I know that he wants to see me so he can yell at me."  
  
Corerith pulled the girl to her feet, "Nonsense, actually he seems to be in a fairly good mood. Come now, no more idleness, you need to get ready."  
  
Corerith pulled the top of Hallahiriel's coppery hair back with a black ribbon, leaving the rest to fall long and loose. Hallahiriel pulled on the amber colored dress and washed her face, then made her way down to the hall where Boromir and Faramir sat talking.  
  
Hallahiriel approached meekly, "You wished to see me, Lord Boromir?"  
  
Boromir rose and stood before her, "Yes, Halla. As you may know, I must call on Therassa today. I promise not to linger and I obviously hold no joy in going. Today, Faramir will be handling your lessons."  
  
Hallahiriel's gaze fell on Faramir, who merely shrugged; "I still don't see why we can't just take the day off."  
  
Boromir sighed, "We are running out of time, Faramir. After yesterday's events, it is very clear that the girl needs more work."  
  
He turned back to Hallahiriel; "I must go. Both of you work hard. I shall return shortly."  
  
Minutes after Boromir left, Hallahiriel and Faramir sat down for the lesson. Faramir looked at her in a bewildered manner, "So, where shall we begin, Halla?"  
  
Hallahiriel smiled at him; "I have an idea."  
  
Faramir leaned forward curiously, "What might that be?"  
  
Hallahiriel spoke non-chalantly, "Take me out to see the city."  
  
Faramir shook his head, "Boromir would be furious with me if I did."  
  
"All we'll have to do is tell him that you were teaching me about social settings. You know, teaching me to buy things, how to greet people-very important things."  
  
Faramir looked unsure about the plot, "Halla-"  
  
She pleaded earnestly, "Please, Faramir! I have been nothing but cooped up for weeks. I have not ventured out of doors since my arrival."  
  
Faramir relented and then nodded, "Alright, but only for a little while. You are quite persuasive. Go get a cloak and meet me back here."  
  
Hallahiriel smiled brightly and hurried upstairs to retrieve her deep brown velveteen cloak. She stole a glance at herself in the mirror and then made her way downstairs to see Faramir waiting, adorned in a green cloak. He offered his arm to her and she took it happily.  
  
As they made their way into the city, Hallahiriel spoke somberly to the young captain; "I feel like I am nothing more than a thorn in his side."  
  
Faramir looked to her curiously, "Are you speaking of Boromir?"  
  
Hallahiriel nodded, "I feel like I am failing."  
  
Faramir shook his head, "Far from it. You have come a far way from the barmaid you once were. You are a thorn in no one's side. I daresay that you have made quite a difference in our home; a very pleasant one."  
  
Hallahiriel smiled, "Thank you, Captain. However, your brother seems to dislike me very much."  
  
Faramir sighed, "Pay no mind to Boromir, lady. He is really a good man, quite agreeable. He loves his country, his city and his people, but he is experiencing growing pains."  
  
Hallahiriel looked confused, "Growing Pains? At his age?"  
  
Faramir chuckled, "I can sum it up with one word. Marriage. Being the firstborn, my father finds it important for him to have a wife and children."  
  
Hallahiriel smiled, "I see. Does your father do the same to you?"  
  
Faramir shook his head, "Certainly not. His focus is Boromir at the moment. Who knows, he may have the same plans for me someday."  
  
Hallahiriel smiled faintly and continued her questioning, "So this Therassa is whom your father wants Boromir to wed?"  
  
Faramir shrugged, "I'm not sure, but he is keen for Boromir to meet her."  
  
She could not contain herself, "What does she look like? Is she fair?"  
  
Faramir looked at her slyly, "Judging by her mother, I should say not. No doubt Boromir should find her quite boring at any rate. Is there a reason that you are asking such questions?"  
  
Hallahiriel felt her cheeks tinge pink beneath the hood of her cloak, "No reason, I was just curious about your brother's predicament. So tell me, Captain, where shall we go first?"  
  
Faramir shrugged, "There's the blacksmith, the seamstress, the baker-I shall leave it up to you, lady. Wherever you wish to go."  
  
Hallahiriel smiled thoughtfully; "Do you mind if we go to the seamstress? I know that it may seem strange, but I have never been to a proper seamstresses shop before."  
  
Faramir nodded, "To the seamstress it is then."  
  
They walked into the tiny shop and found themselves amongst yards and yards of fabric. Hallahiriel pulled her hood down and allowed her hands to travel over the different textures of cloth. She smiled brightly as an older woman bustled in from the back room. She was hunched over slightly and her hands were covered with paper-thin skin. Her mouth fell into a small 'o' when she noticed Faramir.  
  
"Captain Faramir? Do my old eyes deceive me?"  
  
Faramir shook his head, "No Lady Aethlien, they do not. I have brought my friend, Hallahiriel. She has never been into a proper seamstress's shop before."  
  
The old woman approached Hallahiriel and placed a hand to her chin. She then pulled her down to eye-level as to get a better look at her. Lady Aethlien smiled brightly, "Why what a pretty girl! A fine match for our young Captain!"  
  
Hallahiriel smiled bashfully and shook her head; "Faramir and I aren't together in that manner. I am a guest from Dol Amroth and Faramir is but a dear friend."  
  
Faramir chuckled, "Lady Aethlien, Halla will be needing a fine dress for a ball. May we see your finest materials?"  
  
~~ An hour later, Hallahiriel and Faramir emerged from Lady Aethlien's shop after choosing the fabric and having the seamstress measure Hallahiriel for the gown. Before the pair furthered their journey into the city, Hallahiriel caught Faramir by the wrist. He looked at her, a little concerned by her actions. Hallahiriel looked up at him; her blue-gray eyes quite serious, "Thank you, Captain Faramir. You are a fine man and a good friend."  
  
Faramir smiled softly, "Halla-"  
  
Hallahiriel balanced on the tip of her toes and kissed him gently on the cheek. Faramir smiled brighter at her, "We cannot stay out much longer, Boromir will return within an hour. He will have my hide for this, no doubt. However, I daresay it is worth it."  
  
He took Hallahiriel by the hand and they continued through the city. As they neared a small market with men and women selling wares from their carts, Faramir caught sight of his brother walking with a thin woman with dark hair. Faramir pulled Halla behind the vegetable cart quickly. Hallahiriel looked confused and let out a cry in her former speech, "Heh! What ere we doin'?"  
  
Faramir placed a gloved hand over her mouth, "We'll have none of that, Halla. We must be quiet. Boromir and Therassa are very near."  
  
Hallahiriel pulled his fingers from her mouth and whispered, "There's no use in hiding. Besides, we have a plan. Aren't you a bit curious to see what this horrid Therassa looks like?"  
  
Faramir rolled his eyes, "Well, yes, but Halla-"  
  
Hallahiriel smiled, "Come Faramir, perhaps we will help Boromir escape."  
  
He relented, still believing it to be the wrong choice. Hallahiriel clung to his arm as they emerged back on to the road where they stood no more than three feet from Boromir and Therassa. Boromir looked up in surprise and called, "Oh, hello Faramir."  
  
Boromir did a double take and his face was awash with unfathomable rage, yet his exterior remained cool. Faramir smiled at his brother and pulled Halla a bit closer, "Hello Boromir. We did not expect to see you here, I just took Hallahiriel to be fitted for her gown-for the ball in Dol Amroth."  
  
Boromir looked to Hallahiriel and then back to his brother, "Shouldn't the two of you be back home?"  
  
Faramir sighed and shrugged, "Well, it's like you said, the time is running out and Halla needs a suitable gown for a ball and that will take a long time to complete."  
  
Suddenly, a thin white arm snaked around Boromir's. Halla watched raptly as Therassa made her presence known. She was not hideous, rather stern and cold. Her long dark hair was pulled tightly into a braid and her sharp features were snake-like and her mouth reminded Halla of having the ever- present pall of sourness on her tongue. She leered unfavorably at Hallahiriel, "I see that you have run into your brother my Lord. Will you not introduce me properly?"  
  
Boromir tried to abstain from rolling his eyes at the woman and cleared his throat, "Ah yes. Lady Therassa, this is my brother Faramir and the Lady Hallahiriel."  
  
Both Faramir and Hallahiriel smiled in unison, wanting to keep the pleasantries to a minimum. Therassa smiled a bit menacingly, "So this is the famous Hallahiriel. I daresay my brother is quite smitten with you and is talking incessantly about your rather odd meeting yesterday."  
  
Hallahiriel continued to smile, albeit very fakely, "Yes, your brother Owynvan is quite, uh, interesting."  
  
Therassa had a possessive death grip on Boromir's arm, "Then you don't mind if the love-struck boy calls on you then?"  
  
Hallahiriel pulled Faramir even closer and then clasped his hand in hers, "Well-"  
  
Therassa smiled, "Ah, I see that your affections lie elsewhere. Poor Owynvan! He will be heartsick."  
  
Boromir laughed heartily, "Nonsense Therassa! Send him by, Hallahiriel would love to see him."  
  
Hallahiriel fumed silently at him as Therassa smiled, "Good! I will see to it that he will be by tomorrow!"  
  
Boromir nodded to his brother, "Faramir, take Halla back home. I will return after escorting Therassa home."  
  
Faramir nodded and pulled Hallahiriel in the opposite direction. Therassa called after them, "It 'twas nice meeting you!"  
  
~~  
  
Hallahiriel sat alone in her room, awaiting the inevitable tongue lashing from Boromir. When to door finally opened, Hallahiriel remained faced away from the door and sitting on her bed. Boromir's voice called to her, "Halla, I must speak with you."  
  
Hallahiriel chuckled wryly, "You won't speak-you'll yell."  
  
Boromir walked over to her and pulled her to her feet, "Must you always be so insubordinate? We must talk about this afternoon."  
  
Halla balled her fists tightly; "I wanted to get out! I've been cooped up for weeks with nothing but your belittlement! I'm a person you know! I need air and sunlight and normalcy! How do you ever expect me to function in this city if I never experience it! I am more than an experiment!"  
  
Boromir placed his hands on her shoulders, "I know Halla, but any more slip- ups like yesterday and my father will ask me to throw you out."  
  
Halla ignored him, "If you continue to see that horrid Therassa we will never get anything accomplished and thanks to you her awful brother is coming to see me tomorrow!"  
  
Boromir chuckled lightly, "Silly girl! Do you actually think I want to continue to see her?"  
  
Hallahiriel shrugged and Boromir laughed, "Of course I don't. And as for Owynvan, I think it will serve you well to let him court you, you don't have to return his affections. My father bids me to call on Therassa; I only do it to keep you here. All I have done as of late has been for you."  
  
Hallahiriel shrugged his hands off her shoulders and took a curious step towards him. He was surprised by her close physical proximity and looked down at her. Halla's eyes were wide and brave as she mustered up the courage to speak, "Why do you care? Why would you do something like that?"  
  
Boromir smiled gently and pondered over his choices. He could remain calm and distant or he could act on curious impulse. He cupped his hands to her face and debated internally. He smiled, "I can't let Faramir win. There is still a wager at stake. That is what I care about."  
  
Hallahiriel pushed him away, "Get out! Leave me be!"  
  
Boromir's heart fell a bit, seeing that he had hurt her. Hallahiriel threw brushes and shoes at him until he was safely out of the room. He stood for a moment, knowing in his heart that he had made the wrong choice, that he truly wanted nothing more than to satisfy his curiosity. However, it was the right idea in the long term; even if he did hurt her now.  
  
It was the right thing to do, for the moment. However, he could probably not be able to make the same choice the second time around.  
  
~~  
  
A/N: Next up; Owynvan calls, Lady Brumwen meets Halla's father and seeks to ruin her, Faramir goes to great lengths to keep the secret safe and Therassa gets jealous.  
  
Let me know what you think about this chappie and a possible K-I-S-S!  
  
Please read and review! 


	7. The Street Where You Live

*A/N: Just wanted to say some things to my faithful readers!  
  
-Alina11: I'm so glad you like it! I hope you continue to enjoy! Thanks Sweets!  
  
-DiamondTook3: I hope you do rent the film! It is indeed loverly! However, I hope to incorporate a little more romance than the film and play did! Tell me what you think of the film! Keep in mind there is no Therassa-like character and I have added other elements to the story to suit my liking.  
  
-Angel of Harlem: "Lady Day got diamond eyes, she sees the truth behind the lies"-never you worry about Faramir, he and Halla are just good friends. Here's to more grins! Enjoy the chappie!  
  
*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth.  
  
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship". Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.  
  
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter Seven: The Street Where You Live  
  
When Boromir reappeared downstairs, Faramir was waiting for him by the fire. He gave his brother a questioning glance and stood before him, "What's wrong with you, Faramir? You look quite perturbed."  
  
Faramir stood to meet his brother, "I heard you speaking to her. I will not hurt her Boromir. I want nothing more than to see the girl happy. As far as I am concerned, you win."  
  
Boromir cocked his head, obviously confused, "What?"  
  
"You win the wager."  
  
Boromir let a large grin escape across his face and he laughed heartily, "Don't be silly Faramir. I will not let you give up that easily, although I do admire your noble notion. The girl needs to be pushed to meet her goals."  
  
Faramir shook his head, "But must you talk to her so? She hasn't done anything wrong. In fact, she has progressed. Surely you must see that."  
  
Boromir paced the floor slowly; "Of course I have, brother. But I am doing everything in my power to avoid scenes like yesterday. Father would demand that Halla leave and that-"  
  
Faramir raised an eyebrow to Boromir, "And that what?"  
  
Boromir collected his thoughts, "And that cannot happen. We have come too far. She has come too far. Our vision must be realized."  
  
Faramir sighed and sat back in the chair, "But Boromir, she is clearly distraught. Can you not treat her a bit more cordially?"  
  
Boromir chuckled, "I suppose I could try, but mind you I make no promises. We must prepare a plan. That awful Therassa insists on calling tomorrow. With her brother."  
  
Faramir hung his head, "And what shall we do?"  
  
Boromir and Faramir kept counsel until the small hours of the morning, until the last ember flickered out in the great fireplace.  
  
~~  
  
Hallahiriel covered her face with the pillow and screamed into it with all of her angst and anxiousness. How dare he treat her as a commodity? She felt the room darken and she did not bother to light a candle. The darkness blanketed her in comfort and familiarity. As she finally eased into the place between sleep and awake, she heard soft pounding on her window.  
  
She pulled her covers around her shoulders and sat up wearily. She shuffled her bare feet across the floor and looked down from her window and to the ground below. There stood a figure, heaving pebbles toward the glass. Infuriated, Hallahiriel opened the window and whispered forcefully, "What do you think you are doing? Who are you and what do you want?"  
  
The figure called back to her, "O, fair Lady Hallahiriel! It is me, Owynvan!"  
  
Hallahiriel sighed and rolled her eyes, "You're not supposed to be here until tomorrow."  
  
Owynvan shook his dark head hopefully, "Forgive me, milady. When my sister Therassa told me that you consented to see me, I could wait no longer to look upon your face."  
  
Hallahiriel chuckled at his daftness, "We'll you've seen it. I must go to sleep. Until tomorrow then, eh?"  
  
Owynvan stopped her before she could shut the window, "Wait! Lady Hallahiriel! I have a song to sing in hopes to properly woo you!"  
  
Hallahiriel looked around for something to throw at him. Owynvan was impossible. Woo her? She wouldn't allow it. She turned back to the window; "Can it not wait until tomorrow? I fear that I am quite tired and if I spend too much time in the chilled night air, I will catch my death and I will not be able to see you at all!"  
  
Owynvan looked ashamed, "I do not want that at all. I wish to see you tomorrow and all the days after that. I am frightfully sorry, my dear lady. Please, rest well and I will sing to you tomorrow."  
  
Hallahiriel muttered lowly, "Thank you."  
  
Owynvan gave a bow and a slight wave, "Until tomorrow, fair lady."  
  
Hallahiriel nodded curtly to the man and shut the window. She shook her head hastily and crawled back into her bed. She thought out loud, "Bloomin' dolt wakin' me up like that."  
  
~~  
  
As the sun crept up to its place in the sky, Boromir walked softly to Hallahiriel's room and opened the door. She seemed to look like nothing more than a lump sleeping warm in her bed. He had to wake her to discuss what he and Faramir had planned. As he neared, he studied the mess of hair wildly strewn across her pillow and the steady movements of her breathing. He wished that he had not spoken to her so; once again realizing that his brother was right. He had been awful to her.  
  
However, it was for the best.  
  
Boromir reached down to shake her gently, "Halla, it's time to get up."  
  
Hallahiriel stirred but a bit and continued in her slumber. She mumbled gently, "A few minutes more Corerith."  
  
Boromir could not help but laugh and shook her again, "Halla, wake up."  
  
Hallahiriel cracked open one eye and focused in on Boromir. Her eyes flew open upon recognizing his voice and she sat up, pulling the covers to her chin.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
Boromir reassured her, "I've just come to tell you the plans of the day."  
  
Hallahiriel's eyes drifted to the window, "But it's not even sunrise!"  
  
Boromir sighed, "I'm sorry, Halla. May I please sit down?"  
  
Hallahiriel looked suspicious and then nodded, "Fine."  
  
Boromir sat down on her bed as Hallahiriel pulled her knees up to her chest, covering every inch of herself with her nightdress."  
  
He looked at her and noticed the weary look on her face, "Are you ill? You look tired and unrested."  
  
Hallahiriel snapped back, "That's because that fool Owynvan stood beneath my window all night pitching rocks at the glass so he could sing me a song to 'woo' me."  
  
Boromir laughed again, "What a pitiful thing to do!"  
  
Hallahiriel agreed, "Yes and it's all your fault."  
  
He laughed loudly, "My fault?"  
  
Hallahiriel nodded, "Aye, you were the one who allowed him to call."  
  
"But you seemed angry when I said no at first, if I remember correctly."  
  
"That's because you were making decisions for me. I've got a mind of my own you know. I have no interest in him, Boromir. Actually, I find him remarkably annoying."  
  
Boromir empathized with her briefly, "He sounds much like his sister, yet I fear she is more cunning."  
  
Hallahiriel giggled, "That demon Therassa has tricks up her sleeves?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"She does resemble a snake."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
Hallahiriel dropped her guard a little and sighed, "So what would you have me do?"  
  
Boromir turned to her and gave a small smile, "I will have Corerith come up. Make you look the finest you ever have. We will talk more with Faramir downstairs at breakfast. For now, you return to sleep. I am sorry that I woke you so early. Corerith will be up in two hours."  
  
Hallahiriel hardly believed her ears. He was giving her a reprieve?  
  
He took her hand in his and gave it a gentle kiss, "Rest well, Halla."  
  
Boromir stood and walked to the door. Hallahiriel was speechless.  
  
As he shut the door, Boromir thought about the rest of the day and how it seemed to be different than any day before.  
  
~~  
  
A/N-the plot thickens! The plan revealed! Brumwen meets Halla's Dad and finds out the truth.but how will Faramir make her think otherwise. The ball in Dol Amroth nears and Hallahiriel makes a realization.  
  
Please Read and Review! 


	8. A Hymn to Him

*A/N: Dropping some notes to my immortal beloved ~~  
  
-Temira: I didn't forget I had finals and the holidays hindering me, but I am back and ready for the challenge! Thanks for the review!  
  
-Vest-Button: I never thought about using Freddie's song for Owynvan. I am glad you like him so, poor dolt he is and all-he's a really good guy at heart! See if you can catch the lyrics-this is for you!  
  
-Steelsheen: I am so glad that you don't think Boromir is that OOC. He's coming down a bit into his own nature! Happy Reading!  
  
-Alina11: Thanks for continuing to read! Here is the next chapter for your enjoyment!  
  
-Oracle10: Well thank you very much! You made me blush! I greatly appreciate it!  
  
-DiamondTook3: I understand the busy-I have three papers due for my grad program but I can't help but write about Halla-I have ideas-- she's practically writing herself! Thanks!  
  
-CalypsoAntigone: Don't go aweh! Here's more for yeh!  
  
-Angel of Harlem: Thank you for your faithfulness! From one Angel to another."Hey now check your change."  
  
*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth.  
  
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship". Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.  
  
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter Eight: A Hymn to Him  
  
Hallahiriel made her way downstairs after Corerith finished fussing over her. Corerith brought her a deep blue-gray dress with long sleeves that flared at the wrist. She twisted Hallahiriel's hair into a complicated braid all the while weaving ribbons through it. While she appreciated Corerith's attention to detail, she thought of it as a tremendous waste of time.  
  
When she crossed the threshold to the dining hall, Hallahiriel saw Boromir and Faramir, breakfasts before them and speaking in low tones. She made her way to the table and slipped unnoticed into her empty chair and watched as the brothers continued on. She cleared her throat subtly and then Boromir and Faramir turned their heads towards her. Hallahiriel smiled wryly; "Shall I hear the plan? Or is it a secret?"  
  
Boromir sighed thickly, "The plan is that we will meet Owynvan and Therassa when they call today. We will be pleasant and exceptionally tasteful in conversational content."  
  
Hallahiriel wrinkled her brow, "So you mean that we have to go through with it?"  
  
Boromir nodded firmly, "Yes. We both need to stay out of trouble today, Halla. It is imperative."  
  
Faramir sighed thickly and looked to his brother, "Are you sure we couldn't send word to them. Perhaps tell them that we were called away on urgent business."  
  
Boromir huffed, "That won't work. We must face this head on. No matter how intolerable it seems. It is the only way to continue what progress we have made. We cannot stop now. Halla has come too far."  
  
Hallahiriel hid a smile at the small statement of praise. Yet she knew that what she had accomplished had not truly changed her. It was merely baths, pretty dresses and flowery speech. She was still the barmaid from Dol Amroth deep down inside.  
  
Hallahiriel looked to Boromir questioningly, "What shall I keep to, Boromir? In the way of 'conversational content', I mean."  
  
Boromir thoughtfully rubbed his chin, "Well, no talk of being a barmaid, ale, or your family. If you are to pass as nobility, you must act as though you come from it. Do not speak of your father; that is for certain. You don't have to tell that foolish Owynvan anything of your family. It's none of his concern. In fact, don't reveal anything about yourself at all."  
  
Hallahiriel looked confused, "But what if he asks me about how I feel about something? What shall I say?"  
  
Boromir chuckled, "You feel nothing. Come to think of it, it may be best if you say nothing at all. Just nod, smile or giggle if he says anything he thinks is remotely funny. Bat your eyelashes and seem interested."  
  
Hallahiriel felt rage clotted in her throat, "But I'm not interested! I don't want to spend another minute with him! And I have feelings, too. You seem to know that by the way you repeatedly stomp on them over and over! I am not your puppet, Boromir!"  
  
Faramir placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, "There, there Halla. Boromir, in his own tactless way, is just trying to help you."  
  
Boromir looked at his brother, "Thank you for the defense, Faramir."  
  
Faramir nodded and turned back to the girl, "What I believe he is trying to say is don't tell Owynvan anything personal. Talk about trivialities and unimportant things. However, I would suggest not flirting with him, he might get the wrong idea."  
  
"I wasn't planning on it."  
  
~~  
  
Two hours later, Hallahiriel, Faramir and Boromir all sat in the hall waiting for their guests to come. Hallahiriel slumped in her chair moodily, hoping for the ordeal to be quick and painless. She didn't like the idea of meeting with Owynvan or giving him false hope. She did not like him, in any way. He was oafish and moony and Hallahiriel had no time or patience for such nonsense.  
  
A knock came upon the door and Boromir called, "Come in."  
  
Corerith walked in quietly and nodded, "Lady Therassa and her brother Owynvan have arrived, my lord."  
  
Boromir sighed, "Show them in."  
  
A few minutes passed until Therassa walked over the threshold, adorned in burgundy with her dark hair loose and waving. Owynvan walked headlong after her wearing an idiot smile and looking foolishly happy. Hallahiriel stood up next to Boromir and Faramir and awaited the fate that loomed before her.  
  
Therassa beamed at Boromir, her sharp features coyly making her approach. She made Hallahiriel feel uneasy, like a chill wind trapped her in a forgotten corridor. Boromir took Therassa's hand and kissed it gently. Hallahiriel had an unexpected feeling of hatred for the lady. As Boromir and Therassa made their pleasantries, Owynvan and his foolish grin approached Hallahiriel.  
  
He took Hallahiriel's hand and kissed it dramatically, "O, Lady Hallahiriel, I did not sleep throughout the night in anticipation of our meeting."  
  
Hallahiriel refrained from rolling her eyes and spoke plaintively, "Nor did I."  
  
Both Boromir and Faramir stifled a chuckle as Owynvan continued, "Shall we go for a walk, my lady?"  
  
Hallahiriel turned to Boromir and Faramir, who gave her silent nods pushing for her to go. Hallahiriel agreed with a sound close to exasperation, "Yes."  
  
Owynvan offered her his arm and she merely stared at it, truly unwilling to take it. Finally, she relented and they walked outside to the courtyard. Hallahiriel remained silent as they walked, partly because Owynvan jeopardized most of the conversation with his incessant nattering. Her thoughts strayed to what Boromir and Therassa were speaking of or what they might be doing.  
  
She was confused about the spite she had for Therassa. She really shouldn't even care about her at all. She should only really care about how to escape Owynvan before he tries to "woo" her.  
  
"Shall I sing for you now, lady?"  
  
Hallahiriel looked up in fear, "No! I mean, I really don't care for singing."  
  
Owynvan stammered, "Then how about a verse? I wrote one for you."  
  
Hallahiriel sighed laboriously, "Alright. I quite prefer short verses."  
  
Owynvan smiled excitedly and cleared his throat, "And oh! The towering feeling just to know somehow you are near-"  
  
Hallahiriel groaned. Owynvan stopped short, "Are you alright, lady? You're not going to be taken ill are you?"  
  
Hallahiriel nodded, "Yes, I'm afraid so."  
  
"Shall I take you back inside?"  
  
Halla nodded again and Owynvan took her by the wrist and led her through the courtyard, "I shall finish my verse indoors."  
  
Hallahiriel felt disappointment pull at her heart, she thought that she had successfully escaped Owynvan's attempt at poetry.  
  
~~  
  
A/N-next chapter should be a doozy. Halla and Therassa square off. Brumwen learns the truth from Gweddyn. Faramir tries to keep it all together. And finally, Boromir and Hallahiriel get closer.  
  
Please Read and Review! I Heart Feedback! 


	9. You Did It

To my loverly reviewers-  
  
Angel of Harlem-Huh, never thought about "Stay" in that manner. Makes sense though! Here's the next chappie for you!  
  
Alina 11-Owynvan is a dork, but a well-meaning one. Here's some more dorky- goodness for you!  
  
WargishBoromirFan-Here it is! The confrontation! A climatic match of wills! Enjoy!  
  
DiamondTook3-Here's you're update! Thanks for your unwavering support!  
  
*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth, Corerith, Lady Brumwen, Therassa, Owynvan and Gweddyn.  
  
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship". Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.  
  
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter Nine: You Did It  
  
It had been two weeks since Therassa and Owynvan came to visit; it had also been two weeks of torture for Boromir and Hallahiriel, because the brother and sister duo had continued calling nearly every day since then. Hallahiriel sat in the hall with Boromir and Faramir in the afternoon-one of the rare occasions that they had no visitors. Hallahiriel relished the silence and kept certain thoughts to herself. She found herself quite envious of the attention that Therassa required Boromir give her. It had been weeks since their last lesson and Halla could not help but feel that she may be missing time to practice before the ball. It was all Therassa, the she-dragon's fault.  
  
And Owynvan's.  
  
Hallahiriel fought back a headache to think of him. He was such a parasite. He leeched on to her, wishing to recite verses or sing or do some other foolish thing to gain her attention. She loathed him. He was too nice, too complementary, and too gracious. He was not at all like Boromir.  
  
As they took rest in the hall, one of the Doorwards made an entrance.  
  
"Lord Boromir. Lord Faramir. This has come from Dol Amroth. From Prince Imrahil."  
  
Boromir rose and took the parchment from the Doorward's hand. He waved him away and thanked him for his service. Faramir stood beside his brother as Hallahiriel looked on in frustration.  
  
"What is it brother? Is it ill news?"  
  
Boromir sighed in a fretful tone and nodded, "Indeed."  
  
Halla stood and looking concerned, "What is it Boromir?"  
  
Boromir looked up and then to both of them, "The ball has been moved. It is three days from now."  
  
Hallahiriel's heart dropped, "Three days? That cannot be."  
  
Faramir looked serious, "What shall we do?"  
  
Boromir rubbed his chin; "We leave tomorrow. We cannot let this chance pass by. Tonight we will go to the seamstress and make final the preparation of Halla's gown. We shall tell Corerith to pack for she and Halla both. She will need to come to help make ready our barmaid."  
  
Faramir nodded, "And what about father?"  
  
Boromir shrugged, "He will understand."  
  
Hallahiriel interjected, "What about Therassa?"  
  
Boromir looked at her sadly, "What of her?"  
  
"Will she not think it odd?"  
  
He laughed, "I, for one, Halla, do not care what she thinks."  
  
"But your father-"  
  
"My father will not care if I call on her after the ball. After you succeed. You'll be a princess and not have the threat of being turned out into the streets like vermin."  
  
"But-"  
  
Boromir placed his hand over her mouth; "You need not worry about anything but the ball. Now go to Corerith and make ready to go to the seamstress. Faramir and I will accompany you there."  
  
~~  
  
Hallahiriel stood with her arms extended as Aethlien made adjustments to the bodice and arms of the elaborate deep gray gown that had been festooned with shiny silver and blue adornments. The gown hung off her shoulders and was trimmed with a silver and blue floral design at the neck. The sleeves clung to the elbow and then flared out around the wrists and wing-like, almost touched the ground.  
  
A voice came from behind the changing screen, "Any progress?"  
  
Aethlien smiled sweetly and bid Hallahiriel to put her arms down. She disappeared to the front of the store and told Boromir that she was finished. Halla fidgeted a bit; the dress was quite uncomfortable, nonetheless lovely. Boromir called from behind the screen, "Halla? May I come back?"  
  
"I suppose."  
  
As he stepped behind the screen, he was taken speechless. Hallahiriel turned slowly; "Do you think this is proper to wear?"  
  
Boromir collected himself, "I think it's perfect."  
  
Hallahiriel turned back to the mirror and fidgeted some more. Boromir stepped directly behind her and she caught sight of him in the glass and raised an eyebrow, "Are you all right?"  
  
"Fine. I'm fine."  
  
He took another step, his chest practically against her back. He had become mesmerized by the bare skin between her neck and her shoulder and traveled the length of it curiously with his finger. Hallahiriel turned in shock, "What are you doing?"  
  
She batted his hand away and spun on her heel to find herself toe to toe with him. As she looked up at him, his features softened dramatically. Boromir looked ashamed and began to apologize, "I'm sorry, Halla. I didn't- "  
  
Hallahiriel smiled gently. She had seen the real Boromir in that moment; all of his former attributes diminished. She placed a finger to his lips to calm him, "It's alright."  
  
Boromir looked surprised by her touch and took her hand from his lips and kissed it. Hallahiriel moved a bit closer to him. Boromir leaned his face down to hers and whispered hopefully, "Halla-"  
  
Hallahiriel felt her heart pounding in her ears and titled her face towards his. She could not speak, so she looked him directly in the eyes. Boromir placed his hand beneath her chin and gently brushed his lips against hers. As the kiss ended, Hallahiriel pulled him closer to her and pressed herself against him, her arms snaking around his neck. Boromir captured her in his embrace and pressed her back against the wall of the shop and kissed her again. His mouth moved against hers hungrily as his fingers tangled in her hair. Hallahiriel wanted to laugh at the way his beard tickled her skin, but repressed it so she could continue in the moment.  
  
Suddenly, Faramir called from behind the screen, "Is everything all right?"  
  
Hallahiriel and Boromir broke away from each other quickly. Hallahiriel collected herself and called to Faramir, "You can come back."  
  
As Faramir rounded the corner, he caught sight of Boromir and Hallahiriel's red faces, "Have you two been at it again?"  
  
Boromir looked shocked, "At what?"  
  
"Fighting. I can't leave you two alone for a moment. Aethlien thought there was something missing. She told me to come with her and gave me this."  
  
Faramir extended his arms to Halla and gave her a deep blue, velveteen bundle. It was a cloak. Hallahiriel smiled and hoped Faramir wouldn't notice her swollen lips.  
  
"It's lovely."  
  
Boromir eyed her curiously and then turned to his brother, "We better be off. We have an early morning."  
  
~~  
  
The next morning, Hallahiriel met Faramir and Corerith downstairs in her burgundy riding dress and coat. Corerith smiled at the girl; "We are all packed up. Both of our horses are saddled and packed with your belongings. You'll have to ride with Lord Boromir, girl."  
  
Hallahiriel could feel her face burning as Boromir walked into the hall. She could not look at him after what had happened at the seamstress's shop. Boromir greeted everyone and then commented gruffly, "We should be on our way to Dol Amroth. Is everything prepared?"  
  
Faramir nodded, "You'll have to take Halla. Both my and Corerith's horses already bear the luggage."  
  
Boromir looked to Hallahiriel and shrugged, "If I must."  
  
They walked to the stables and Corerith, Faramir and Boromir mounted their horses. Boromir reached his hand down to her and smiled, "My lady."  
  
Hallahiriel took his hand and he helped her up behind him. As she became situated she whispered to him, "Is this alright?"  
  
Boromir shook his head, "No. You best hold on."  
  
Halla smiled secretly and put her arms around his waist, "Is this better? Are you comfortable?"  
  
Boromir chuckled, "Indeed. I think that this will be a most pleasant journey to Dol Amroth."  
  
~~  
  
Gweddyn stumbled up the white streets of Minas Tirith; he had been searching every level of the city, hoping to remember where those men had his daughter, Hallahiriel. "The Finicky Fief" had lost a good deal of business since the most reliable barmaid had run away. Gweddyn had hired no less than five barmaids since then and none of them could do the job that Hallahiriel had. Somehow he had to apologize to the girl and get her back home.  
  
An opulently dressed woman stood outside her home, supervising arrangements being made for a journey. Gweddyn tapped her lightly on the shoulder and she turned around and sneered at him violently, "What reason do you have? Tapping me on the shoulder so rudely?"  
  
Gweddyn jumped back; scared by the disgusted face of the woman. Gweddyn stammered, "Beggin' yehr pardon, Mam. I was lookin' fehr Lords Boromir and Faramir. I need to speak with 'em. Is urgent it is."  
  
The lady wrinkled her brow; "What ever do you need to speak with them for?"  
  
Gweddyn sighed worriedly, "It's me daughter yeh see. She's run off from 'er home in Dol Amroth. She's 'ere in the city with 'em, the Lords, I mean."  
  
The woman found her interest piqued, "What is your daughter's name?"  
  
Gweddyn chuckled, "Hallahiriel."  
  
The woman tried to repress her excitedness, "Well, good sir. I fear that they have gone to Dol Amroth for an event at Prince Imrahil's. But my daughter and I are on our way there. We would happily have you accompany us and tell us of your tale."  
  
Gweddyn smiled broadly, "Yehr a right good woman, Lady-er. I'm sorry I didn't catch yehr name."  
  
The woman smiled in return, "I am Lady Brumwen. Come, let's find my lovely Therassa and make ready for the journey."  
  
Lady Brumwen pushed the old drunkard gently towards the door to her house. The wheels in her head turned quickly, knowing what opportunities this held for her Therassa. That Hallahiriel was no more than a commoner and Brumwen herself will do the unveiling to Lord Boromir.  
  
~~  
  
The night of the ball had come quickly for Hallahiriel. They arrived in Dol Amroth the day before and Hallahiriel had not seen Boromir or Faramir since the meal that night. Corerith reminded her that because of Boromir and Faramir's stations, they were to hold counsel with Prince Imrahil and others that had made their way to the city.  
  
Corerith helped Hallahiriel into her gown and fixed her hair. She twisted the front and pulled it away from her face with a silver filigreed ornament. As she brushed the back of Halla's hair into coppery red waves, there came a knock on the door. Corerith put the brush down on the dressing table and turned the knob to reveal Boromir behind the door, adorned in formal garb.  
  
Corerith smiled, "I think she's ready, Lord Boromir."  
  
Boromir nodded, "Indeed. Thank you for the help, Corerith. If you would go and make yourself ready, I would like to have a few moments with Hallahiriel."  
  
Corerith nodded in return and scurried to her own quarters. Hallahiriel rose from the chair slowly and turned to meet his stare. Boromir shut the door quietly and took a few steps towards her. He adverted his eyes a few times; afraid to look at her, but more afraid to get carried away.  
  
"How are you feeling, Halla?"  
  
Hallahiriel sighed, "Anxious and a little scared."  
  
Hearing the fear in her voice, Boromir looked to her with reassurance, "You'll do fine. Just remember what you have been taught."  
  
Hallahiriel hung her head; a hundred questions colliding against each other in her mind. Boromir exhaled, "However, I do think that there is something missing."  
  
She lifted her head to meet his gray eyes. He opened his hand to show a delicate silver necklace with filigreed flowers, meeting in the middle with a deep blue stone. Hallahiriel held her breath and looked up to Boromir with astonishment, "But-"  
  
Boromir smiled gently, "It was my mother's. She hailed from Dol Amroth, like you. I thought it would be fitting."  
  
Hallahiriel gently fingered the necklace in Boromir's open hand. She shook her head solemnly; "I can't wear it, Boromir."  
  
Boromir chuckled, "And why not Halla?"  
  
Hallahiriel sighed, "I do not wish anything to happen to it. I'm not a princess, Boromir. I'm a poor barmaid with a horrible family. Such a fine thing should not be worn by me."  
  
Boromir could not restrain himself and touched her cheek, "Nonsense. You may not be a princess by station, but you are much more than a poor barmaid."  
  
He walked behind her and smoothed her hair to one side. Boromir lifted the necklace over her head and fastened it. Hallahiriel's heart pounded in her chest, ready to burst through any moment.  
  
Boromir turned her around by the shoulders to face him. Hallahiriel looked at him questioningly, "What will happen, Boromir? What will happen when this is all over?"  
  
He stood before her, not really knowing what to say. He kissed her brow to help ease her fears and as he pulled away he saw the look on her face. Her plump, worried lips moved into a light and mysterious smile and he bent to claim them with his. Hallahiriel awaited the taste of his kiss eagerly and leaned in with abandon to accept his mouth with hers. She could've never imagined anything like this ever happening. She disliked him so. He treated her like she was inferior in every respect. Even though Boromir talked down to her and every little thing she detested about him; she could not help thinking about him all of the time. Hallahiriel could not envision what life would be like when the experiment was over; and she was not sure if she wanted to.  
  
Boromir drew away slowly and cupped her face with his hands; "We should be going."  
  
Hallahiriel nodded, "Yes."  
  
He sighed roughly, "Halla, you will do very well tonight. I know it."  
  
Hallahiriel smiled unsurely, "I certainly hope you're right."  
  
Boromir nodded and kissed her brow again, "I'll get your cloak and then we must be off."  
  
~~  
  
Faramir walked to the stairs leading to the hall. As he walked past the stables he heard a strangely familiar voice call to him.  
  
"Eh, there yeh are Cappin' Faramir. Ah've been lookin' fer yeh fer days."  
  
Faramir turned to the man, who reeked of too much ale and recognized him as Hallahiriel's father, "Gweddyn? Whatever are you doing here?"  
  
Gweddyn smiled lopsidedly, "'S funny, really. I went to yehr city to fetch Halla. 'The Fief' is in trouble, yeh see. I need me girl back. Best ale slinger in Middle-Earth, she is. So on me way in Minas Tirith, I met a woman who said yeh and yehr brother had come 'ere. She offered me a place in 'er company. She says 'er daughter knows Lord Boromir."  
  
Faramir's eyes widened, "What is this good Lady's name?"  
  
Gweddyn squinted and looked as though he was thinking very hard, "'Er name is Brumwen, I think. Yes, Lady Brumwen."  
  
Faramir felt his pulse in his temples, "How much did you tell her about Halla?"  
  
Gweddyn shrugged drunkenly, "I dunno, it was a long journey. Just 'bout ev'rythin' I suppose."  
  
Faramir ran to the hall without any final words to the man. He had to warn Boromir and Hallahiriel that Brumwen knew. Somehow he had to stop her.  
  
~~  
  
Inside the hall, Boromir escorted her past the guests in their most regal clothes. She stood straight and tried not to shrink away from the pressure of the event.  
  
Boromir stopped infront to the most noble looking man; tall, broad and handsome, "Prince Imrahil, this is Lady Hallahiriel. She is a guest of my father's, the Steward of Gondor."  
  
Imrahil smiled and gave a small bow, "Lady Hallahiriel, it is a pleasure."  
  
Hallahiriel bowed in return, "It is very kind of you to allow me to come, my lord."  
  
Boromir looked to Hallahiriel with great pride. Yes, she would do well.  
  
~~  
  
Therassa stood beside her mother, adorned in her favorite green gown and scanning the guests for the horrible girl that had been manipulating poor Boromir and his brother the whole time.  
  
"Do you see her, dear?"  
  
Therassa turned to her mother, "No, but be certain that when I do I will reveal all to Lord Boromir."  
  
Lady Brumwen shook her head, "Let me make the admission, dear. Your job is to comfort Boromir after he has learned that he has been betrayed. Oh, and your poor brother. Stupid lad, my Owynvan. Falling head over heels for a mere commoner and a barmaid at that! He will be heartbroken when I deal it to him. I think it was a good thing that he had business in Minas Tirith so he would not have to bear such a spectacle."  
  
Therassa seethed impatiently. Hallahiriel would not leave this ball with a hair on her head or an ounce of pride. Suddenly, she saw a familiar sight. Boromir talked with Prince Imrahil as Hallahiriel spoke with a lady of the court.  
  
"It's time, mother."  
  
~~  
  
Boromir felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to meet the sharp features of Therassa. He tried not to look surprised and smiled, "Why, Therassa. I had no idea that you would be attending."  
  
Therassa shot a look of contempt toward Hallahiriel and then back to Boromir, "I must tell you something of great import, my lord. About your guest. She's---"  
  
Boromir nodded, "What?"  
  
"She's a barmaid! And of no noble lineage!"  
  
Boromir turned to Hallahiriel. This could not happen--the plan was working. Halla had worked so hard. Therassa would not ruin her chances. Boromir took Therassa by the elbow and led her toward the kitchen. He did his best to feign concern, "You must tell me everything.but in private."  
  
Therassa babbled frantically, "And my poor brother! She played him for a fool! You cannot let her get away with this! A wretched barmaid!"  
  
Boromir looked around the kitchen and spied a door that looked to be a small pantry.  
  
"How did you learn this information, Therassa?"  
  
Therassa rolled her eyes, "Her filthy, drunkard father stopped us in Minas Tirith and he rode with us to Dol Amroth. He told us such foul stories!"  
  
Boromir discreetly opened the door and spun Therassa around by the waist. He leaned down a bit, "Therassa-"  
  
She blushed coyly, "Yes, my lord?"  
  
Boromir smiled, "I'm sorry."  
  
Therassa raised a confused eyebrow, "For what?"  
  
Boromir pushed her in the pantry that seemed to be filled with bags of flour and piles of potatoes. He shut the door and secured the lock. Boromir heard Therassa cry in confusion and made his way back to the hall.  
  
~~  
  
As Lady Brumwen made her way to where Hallahiriel spoke with Prince Imrahil and the members of his court, Faramir ran to meet her and caught her firmly by the wrist. She turned around and gave Faramir a venomous glare.  
  
"Lord Faramir, I am not sure what you are trying to do, but I assure you that now is a very dire time."  
  
Faramir struggled for something to say, "My lady, will you not take a turn across the floor with me? I would be most honored."  
  
Brumwen chuckled, "My dear Faramir, I do appreciate the sentiment, but I have no time to dance. My daughter's future is on the line."  
  
Faramir saw his brother dragging Therassa away from the guests and pointed to the scene, "Your daughter is in good keep. She and Boromir are talking rather closely."  
  
Brumwen saw Lord Boromir leading Therassa away to privacy and turned to the young man; "She does look well, doesn't she. I suspect a proposal will be just around the corner."  
  
Faramir stifled a chuckle with his hand and turned serious, "Please, Lady Brumwen. Whatever ails you, we can discuss it while dancing."  
  
Lady Brumwen thought carefully and looked over her shoulder to find Hallahiriel talking amongst the guests, "It has to do with that horrid girl you and your brother have been housing."  
  
Faramir nodded as he led the old widow out to where other couples danced.  
  
~~  
  
As Boromir walked back into the hall, he spied his little brother dancing with Lady Brumwen; a curious and odd sight to behold. He fought back a fit of laughter and approached Hallahiriel as she was dancing with a nobleman from Imrahil's court. He tapped the man on the shoulder and smiled, "May I cut in?"  
  
The man nodded and released Hallahiriel into Boromir's arms. Hallahiriel looked confused and continued to dance, "Whatever is going on? Faramir is dancing with Lady Brumwen and you disappear into thin air?"  
  
As Boromir moved her around the floor and out of sight of Lady Brumwen, he turned grave; "Halla, we have to go. You and I must bid farewell to the Prince and then we must make haste to prepare for our way back to Minas Tirith."  
  
Hallahiriel's face dropped, "But we only just arrived. We haven't properly- "  
  
"Halla, Therassa and Brumwen know everything. They met your father."  
  
She looked heartbroken, "So it's over. And in such a humiliating fashion. I will be unveiled as a farce to the whole of my city."  
  
Boromir stopped dancing and pulled her into the shadows and away from the eyes of the guests, "If we leave now and return to Minas Tirith, it will be days later until we hear from Therassa or Brumwen. My father already knows what you are. If they run to him they will not reveal anything. It is here where you must be seen as a princess and then news will travel though out the land. I will send Corerith for Faramir and tell him to meet us in an hour, just outside Dol Amroth. Then we will return to my city."  
  
"What about Therassa and Brumwen? Will they not expose me to the Prince?"  
  
Boromir smiled broadly, "I do not think they will put much credit into what Therassa says. They won't find her for another day at least, sitting on bags of flour and up to her neck in potatoes. And what well respecting Lady allows a saucy old drunkard ride with her company and fill her head up with such outstanding notions. You? A barmaid? Your own father doesn't even recognize you, let alone those scalawags that you used to serve and work with. They could not pick you out of a crowd. You have the advantage, Halla."  
  
Hallahiriel nodded, "Alright. We should leave."  
  
~~  
  
Boromir, Hallahiriel and Corerith waited on their horses outside the city for Faramir to arrive. Hallahiriel wore her riding garb and leaned sadly into the comfort of Boromir's back. He could not help but feel for her. She looked exquisite and spoke at her very finest, only to have all she worked for balancing on a mad dash back to Minas Tirith.  
  
When Faramir appeared on his horse, Boromir nodded gratefully, "You did well, brother."  
  
Faramir grimaced tiredly, "I finally convinced Lady Brumwen not to publicly expose Halla. I promised her that we would be very stern and punish her."  
  
Hallahiriel raised her head and looked at Faramir fearfully. Faramir smiled and shook his head, "Never you worry, Halla. We could never treat you so. But it was the only way."  
  
Boromir nodded, "We should go."  
  
As they nudged their horses forward, Hallahiriel held on to Boromir tightly. He looked over his shoulder to her and then turned back ahead to begin their silent journey.  
  
~~  
  
When they reached the home of the Steward, Denethor ran to meet them. He hugged Boromir tightly and laughed, "You did it, son! News of the girl reached our city this morning! She was assumed to be a princess from a far off land. Some even think that she had an ancestor of Elven lineage, for her uniqueness had never been seen before. You're brilliant, Boromir."  
  
Hallahiriel listened curiously at the speculation. She of Elven ancestry? She was not even at the ball for an hour and word had traveled so far?  
  
Boromir smiled at his father, "I had some help father, Faramir had a great deal to do. He was essential to the event last night."  
  
Denethor waved at Boromir, "Yes, yes. Now, tell me about the ball. Tell me about what Imrahil had to say."  
  
Denethor led Boromir into the hall, where they reveled in the success of the previous night's events. Hallahiriel looked to Faramir and gave him a sympathetic look. No one congratulated her, either. She was just the pawn in the game. No matter how hard she worked the success did not belong to her, but was added to Boromir's glory.  
  
Hallahiriel bid goodnight to Faramir and followed Corerith to her quarters. There she sat before the mirror and questioned everything about herself. She had no identity, nothing to call her own. People speculated about her and she fell for the idea of cleaning herself up to be accepted by them. She was a princess; a princess who lived in a kingdom of lies and fantasy. It wasn't real. Nothing was real.  
  
Hallahiriel sunk into the comfort of her bed and tended to her broken heart.  
  
She would leave in the morning.  
  
~~  
  
Up next: Halla moves out, she and Boromir fight, a surprise engagement and the heroic return of Owynvan!  
  
Please read and review! Let me know what you think! 


	10. Without You

My Reviewers are the Bees Knees! I love you all! Here is my belated valentine! -Lucy: Here is the next chappie for yeh–thanks for reading! -whizzothecrunchyfrog: Glad to have another "My Fair Lady" fan! I think yeh're loverly! -Ranger's-Thanatos: I'm flattered and very happy that you like the story. Enjoy! -Spaci Ireth- Thank you for adding me to your faves list! I am greatly honored! In my other three stories, I have a character named Ireth! -Tee: More emotions. Got it. Boromir will henceforth have more of a written thought process. Thanks for the feedback! -Angel of Harlem: "All I Want is You" for Halla and Boromir? They have a theme! How beautiful! I adore it! Thank you! -Diamond Took3: Yeh're a right good reviewer, as Gweddyn would say. Thank you for your faithfulness!  
  
*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth, Corerith, Lady Brumwen, Therassa, Owynvan and Gweddyn.  
  
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship". Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.  
  
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter Ten: Without You  
  
Boromir awoke the next morning in quite a good mood. The ball in Dol Amroth turned out even better than he could've hoped. Even with the hinderances of Therassa and Lady Brumwen. He dressed and made his way downstairs, where he heard the sounds of commotion and chaos in the main hall. He spied Corerith and Faramir talking in hurried and frantic tones and he called to them, "Pray tell, what is wrong on such a fine morning?"  
  
Faramir turned a wary eye to his brother, "It's Halla."  
  
Boromir smiled at the mere mention of her name, "And what of our princess?"  
  
Corerith sighed sadly, "She's gone my lord."  
  
Boromir's smile faded quickly, "What do you mean gone? Is she not in the courtyard talking a walk?"  
  
Faramir placed a concerned hand on his brother's shoulder, "She has runaway, brother. She took a few clothes and possessions."  
  
Boromir shook his head in denial, "She could not have runaway. Where would she go? Everything here is going well–especially after the ball. Perhaps that fool Owynvan lured her out and made off with her?" Faramir fought back the urge to laugh, "I don't think that Owynvan could lure her anywhere, seeing as though she quite despises him."  
  
"Perhaps her father? You said that his tavern is in trouble and that he needs her back?"  
  
Faramir bid his brother to look at him, "She left this, Boromir."  
  
Faramir extended his hand and passed a delicate object to Boromir. As he looked down into his open hand, he recognized the necklace of his mothers in his open palm. He then looked up and met Faramir's eyes, "We must find her."  
  
As Faramir and Boromir held counsel, Corerith receive a message from the doorward and anxiously brought it to the brothers, "Lord Boromir! Lord Faramir! This arrived from Lady Aethlien!"  
  
Faramir raised an eyebrow, "The seamstress?"  
  
Corerith nodded, "Aye, she writes that the girl showed up on her doorstep early this morning begging her for shelter. She wants you to know that she is fine., but Halla pleaded with her not to make you aware of her whereabouts."  
  
Boromir clenched his fists and crumpled the letter in his hands. He silently fumed. What had gotten into the foolish girl? Everything was going well. She seemed to be happy enough. Everything he and his brother had done for her and this is how they were repaid. Somewhere inside himself, Boromir felt his heart break.  
  
"I will go to her and bring her back. I will discover the meaning of this."  
  
~~  
  
Hallahiriel reflected on the events of the previous night as she rested in the spare room of the seamstress's shop. As she had made her way in the darkness with what clothing she could manage, she noticed a figure muddled by the shadow. As she drew nearer, she recognized Owynvan leaning beneath a tree.  
  
Hallahiriel dropped her belongings and raised an eyebrow to him, "What in Middle-Earth are yo doing here?"  
  
"Lady Hallahiriel! Are you well? Where are you going this time of night?"  
  
She put her hands on her hips, "You didn't answer my question, Owynvan."  
  
Owynvan hung his head in shame, "I come here almost every night. I cannot sleep."  
  
Hallahiriel chuckled, "You are quite foolish."  
  
Owynvan looked to her luggage, "Are you running away?"  
  
She smirked, "Yes, I suppose so."  
  
"Where will you go?"  
  
She shrugged, "I'll find someplace."  
  
Owynvan frowned and picked up her luggage, "I'll help you. You can stay with my family."  
  
Hallahiriel shook her head, "I don't think that is a good idea, Owynvan. Especially after what happened at the ball."  
  
He looked confused, "What happened?"  
  
She sighed, "Have your mother and sister not arrived yet?"  
  
"I don't expect them until the morrow."  
  
Hallahiriel looked around in the darkness, "I fear I cannot dawdle. I wish to make a stealthy getaway."  
  
Owynvan chuckled, "You make it sound like a prison."  
  
She shook her head, "No. It is far from it. However, I have to leave. I think I know a place that I can go."  
  
Owynvan nodded, "I will help you get there. Lady Hallahiriel–"  
  
She saw his face turn solemn and flustered. Then he spoke, "I wrote another verse for you. Would you like to hear ir?"  
  
Hallahiriel openly rolled her eyes, "I don't want to be mean, Owynvan. But I am sick of words. If you think something just say it."  
  
Owynvan looked surprised by her tone. He took her gently by the wrist, "Alright then. I love you and I wish to marry you."  
  
Hallahiriel chuckled, "Indeed. What a fine kettle of fish."  
  
Owynvan looked hapless and they made their way to find Hallahiriel's refuge. As she sat alone in the spare room, thankful that the old seamstress kindly took her in. She mulled over the events in Dol Amroth and all of the confusion she felt in her head and her heart for a certain person.  
  
Why had she consented to this experiment? Now that she did not fit in either society as a princess or barmaid. What was to become of her?  
  
As she unpacks, she heard the door open and patrons step inside. Then, before long, a knock came upon her door and she continued to put her things away and called, "Come in."  
  
The door creaked open, but the visitor only stood still. Hallahiriel turned slowly to see Boromir looking at her, his jaw tense and his face on the brink of anger. He spoke in a controlled manner, "What is the meaning of this?"  
  
Hallahiriel sighed and stood firm, "It was time for me to go."  
  
Boromir took a step forward, "Without goodbye or some sort of gratitude?"  
  
She felt herself growing angry, "I won your bet for you. You received all the praise and glory. Is that not enough?"  
  
Boromir became incredulous, "Is that what all this is about? Lest you forget who stayed up tutoring you all hours of the night, putting up with all of your nattering and protests? What do you want me to do Halla?"  
  
She shrugged, "Show me some kindness. Instead of treating me like a pet, toy or project. You confuse me with your actions, Boromir. What am I to you?"  
  
Boromir looked stunned. Hallahiriel put away the last of her clothing and then turned to look at him, "Why did you come here, Boromir?"  
  
Boromir averted his eyes from hers and stammered, "To bring you home."  
  
"And what would I do there? I am useless. I am a trained bird."  
  
He stepped close to her, "You belong there. Faramir and I would find the house empty without you."  
  
Hallahiriel smiled at the thought of the young captain, "Faramir always treated me like a lady. He is the essential part of my transformation. Never talked down to me as you did."  
  
Boromir laughed indignantly, "I treated you as I treated a princess."  
  
She folded her arms across her chest, "So you would treat a princess and a barmaid the same."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Hallahiriel turned serious, "Have you ever thought about what would happen to me? I am changed into a proper lady, yet I fit in nowhere. I could never be a barmaid again. Nor could I be a princess. Perhaps I'll become a teacher."  
  
Boromir laughed again, "And what would you teach? You have no proper education."  
  
Hallahiriel shrugged, "I can teach others what you taught me."  
  
Boromir's face became flushed with madness, "You wouldn't."  
  
Hallahiriel smiled at her small victory, "Ah! Finally a breakthrough! Yes, Boromir. I think that I shall do just fine on my own. I can stand without you."  
  
Boromir pulled her to him, "You are heartless, girl. Don't play that game with me. I taught it to you."  
  
Hallahiriel pulled away, "I learned from the best."  
  
She put on a brave face, even though she felt her heart suffocating inside. She thought if she pushed him enough, that he would show his real emotions. Hallahiriel smiled at him, "I have interesting news, my lord. I have had a proposal of marriage."  
  
Boromir looked curious, trying not to come off as jealous, "And who has asked for your hand?"  
  
"Owynvan."  
  
Boromir burst into a fit of laughter, "Owynvan! That fool! That will be a fine marriage. He will recite the most banal of verses to you all hours of the day. He hasn't seemed to get the point yet."  
  
"I am going to consent."  
  
Boromir stopped laughing and spun on his heel, "What?"  
  
Hallahiriel nodded, "He is a good man. He honestly adores me. He's quite handsome as well."  
  
Boromir felt ill. He took Hallahiriel by the shoulders and pulled her within inches of him, "Marry anyone but him. Marry Faramir–he's quite agreeable and a much better poet."  
  
Hallahiriel smiled, "Marry Captain Faramir? I never entertained the idea! It is quite brilliant, isn't it? Your brother marrying the mysterious princess from the ball; the one from Elven lineage? Faramir is a good man and very faithful. I would be the envy of every lady in Gondor! What would your father think?"  
  
Boromir's face fell in astonishment, "I cannot believe my ears! You have turned into the lady that I had hoped you to become! Unfeeling and perfectly self-consumed!"  
  
Hallahiriel feigned disappointment, "It was a good thought, even though I could never love Faramir in such a manner and I am sure he would feel the same. We are good friends. So I will marry Owynvan. I shall send my answer this afternoon."  
  
Boromir turned furious with her chipper talk, "Listen to what you are saying, Halla! You would marry a man you despise for the adoration? Besides, Lady Brumwen will never have it. You are a common barmaid and of no noble lineage. She would disown her own son before she would willingly allow him to marry you. If you marry him you will grow old, bear children and become perfectly humorless. You'll lose your warmth and your fairness will fade to homeliness and your husband will still be nattering on!"  
  
Hallahiriel sighed, "Owynvan would not pay mind to his mother. He is fine and upstanding. A true gentleman."  
  
"If you marry him it will be your unhappiness."  
  
She sighed thickly, "Then that is my choice to make."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
Hallahiriel's brows knitted, "Is that all you will say?"  
  
Boromir turned to her and eyed her angrily, "You've become cruel."  
  
He made his way towards the door and turned to look at her a last time, "Marry Owynvan? Hah!"  
  
As Boromir slammed the door behind him, Hallahiriel sank onto the small bed dejectedly. He had hurt her, treated her like an inferior. Why did it feel so wrong for her to do the same?  
  
~~  
  
Boromir made his way back to the hall and fumed the entire way. He wanted nothing more to pick that blasted girl up and carry her back home. She belonged there–with him. He wished to kiss her again and rid her mind of any foolish thoughts and notions.  
  
She would not marry Owynvan. She loathed the fool.  
  
Then a fool she will make of herself. If she thinks she can stand on her own, that things would be better without him–then so be it. It would be her bed to sleep in. He would let her do this. In mere months he would be proven right. She knows not what she is doing.  
  
~~  
  
A/N: Next up–the wedding invitation, Boromir and Faramir have a heart to heart and Boromir realizes what he must do! Oh the suspense!  
  
Please Read and Review! 


	11. I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth, Corerith, Lady Brumwen, Therassa, Owynvan and Gweddyn.  
  
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship." Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.  
  
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter Eleven: I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face  
  
Faramir sat up quickly as his brother came storming into the main hall. He had never seen Boromir in such a state, "Did you speak to her?"  
  
Boromir tossed his head back with anger, "Indeed. The little wretch is completely ungrateful for all that we have done. She plans to marry."  
  
Faramir looked confused, "Halla? Plans to marry? Who?"  
  
Boromir seethed, "Him."  
  
"Him who?"  
  
"Owynvan."  
  
Faramir looked like someone had just slapped him across the face, "Marry Owynvan?"  
  
Boromir nodded, "That's what I said. Marry Owynvan! Hah! What a ridiculous plan. That girl infuriates me so."  
  
Faramir paced the floor and watched his brother closely. Boromir was hiding something. He looked more than tense, like distressed or--no, it couldn't be. Could his brother be heartbroken? Faramir collected his thoughts and spoke quickly, "We have to stop her. She's making a mistake."  
  
Boromir nodded, "Indeed she is. Hallahiriel has made a fine mess for herself. However, I fully intend on letting her go through with it."  
  
With a quick motion, Faramir found himself toe to toe with his brother, "At the expense of your own heart? I see through you, Boromir. You care for her deeply."  
  
Boromir felt a tinge of vulnerability overcome him. His little brother was very perceptive. However, he would not allow Faramir to unmask him. So he laughed thickly, "Indeed Faramir. I have no need for such an intolerable nit. Hallahiriel eats away at my nerves."  
  
Faramir knew his brother better than he thought and smiled brightly, "You love her. I am convinced."  
  
Boromir could not speak or even laugh off the words that Faramir had dealt him. He would miss her, in the strangest of ways. He did not wish for Hallahiriel to marry that dolt. Love her? He had never tried to formulate it in words. He inhaled sharply and felt the strains of tension in his neck, chest and stomach. Hallahiriel had turned his world on its ear. His thoughts constantly strayed to her in one respect or another. Seeing her descend the stairs in the morning almost made the day begin. Could it be love?  
  
Faramir stood in silence at his brother's inability to form words. He saw the look of misery on Boromir's face and knew that it was true. His brother had a broken heart. Faramir took Boromir by the shoulders, "You cannot allow her to do this, brother. You must go to her and make your profession. What is hindering you? You have this chance to be blissfully happy with a lovely girl. Why will you break your own heart?"  
  
Boromir sighed, "I cannot tell her. It would be--"  
  
Faramir chuckled, "Boromir the Fair, strong and valiant man of Gondor. You're a brave warrior and leader, yet you are afraid of a woman. I have never seen you afraid of anything before now. It is quite astonishing. I must admit that it is refreshing-- I in no way think any less of you."  
  
Boromir sneered at his brother, "I am not afraid of her."  
  
"Then why will you not stop her?"  
  
Boromir allowed a cloud of silence to fill the air. Faramir shook his head in disbelief, "If you will not go, I will. I do not wish to see her unhappy with that daft boy. I will go and propose to her myself."  
  
Boromir looked at his brother oddly, "You wouldn't marry her. You don't love her."  
  
Faramir smirked, "I love her enough to stop her. There is much to love about Halla, Boromir. She would make a fine wife and companion. She is not vapid and power-hungry as most women. And she is quite fair."  
  
Boromir found his own words an obstacle, "That is not what I mean, Faramir. I know that you love her. However, you--you don't love her as I do."  
  
Faramir smiled widely at his brother, knowing that Boromir spoke the truth; "Nay, I should say not. The question is; does she feel the same?"  
  
Boromir sat by the hearth, his head in his hands. Hallahiriel must hate him. There is no way that he could profess his feelings, knowing that she would find him weak and ultimately crush his heart. He felt his brother's eyes on him as the thoughts waged war with each other in his head.  
  
"She will not have me, Faramir. To her I am proud and heartless."  
  
Faramir shook his head, "Heartless you are not, but were it not for your pride you would be with her now. Come Boromir! Be fearless and go to her!"  
  
Boromir smiled half-heartedly at his brother's optimism, "Why are you doing this, Faramir?"  
  
The younger brother grinned, "I want naught but your happiness, dearest brother. I think she would be good for your demeanor, besides, I heard that she is a princess from Elven lineage. One so fair should bring great beauty and warmth to our house and line."  
  
Boromir nodded in agreement, "She would be a good mother."  
  
Faramir chuckled, "And you a father. And I an uncle. I think that I should be quite good at that. Just think about it Boromir. Have you ever thought about a wife and children willingly before Halla?"  
  
Boromir shook his head, "No. I daresay that I have never honestly considered it at all."  
  
Faramir grinned again, "You must go to her immediately, tell her all the things you hold in your heart."  
  
~~  
  
As the brothers talked, Corerith hurried from the city streets and into the house of the Steward. Such news and controversy reverberated on the streets that day. She found the brothers in the hall and spoke breathlessly to them, "My lords, Hallahiriel is to marry."  
  
Faramir stood in concern, "How did you hear this?"  
  
Corerith took off her cloak and spoke quickly, "Lady Brumwen has disowned her own son. She claims that the girl is unfit for him to wed. The Lady will have no such girl in her home. Owynvan defended Hallahiriel completely and promised to marry her before the night is through. The girl has consented. It's all over town!"  
  
Boromir stood confidently, "I cannot allow her to go through with this."  
  
Faramir nodded, "I will help you, brother. Come we must make leave. Corerith, do you know where the ceremony is to be performed?"  
  
The older woman sighed, "I fear I do not, I am sorry."  
  
Boromir made his way toward the door and Faramir was quickly behind him. Boromir must make it there on time. All the courage inside of him was nearly brimming over the edge. This was his chance and he would make the most of it. As the brothers made it into the city, they felt the anticipation of the crowd. It was a huge spectacle to behold. So many of the townsfolk of Minas Tirith had gathered to see the forbidden wedding between the supposed princess from Elven lineage and the shamed son of Lady Brumwen. Such controversy had sparked such delicious fervor. Boromir stood tall over the crowd, looking for any sign of Hallahiriel.  
  
Faramir followed suit and called to his brother, "Do you see her?"  
  
Boromir shook his head, "No."  
  
Suddenly, Owynvan appeared out of the crowd and took his place beside the official that was hired to perform the ceremony. Boromir's eyes widened as Hallahiriel stepped forward in a cream-colored gown. Her sunset colored hair was upswept with white flowers, exposing the length of her neck. Her cheeks seemed flushed and she wore a brilliant smile. She gave her hand to Owynvan and he clutched it dear. The official raised his hand to silence the crowd and then spoke firmly, "Lets begin, shall we?"  
  
"No!"  
  
The cry had escaped Boromir's lips without him even fully realizing it.  
  
~~  
  
A/N--Dunh, Dunh, DUNH! Will Halla go through with it? Will Therassa make her move? STAY TUNED! 


	12. Get Me to the Church on Time

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth, Corerith, Lady Brumwen, Therassa, Owynvan and Gweddyn.  
  
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship." Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25. MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter Twelve: Get Me to the Church on Time  
  
Boromir pushed his way to the front of the crowd with Faramir in tow. Everyone turned to look at them including a fearful Owynvan and a very surprised Hallahiriel. Boromir kept his eyes on her and finally found himself before her. The Official eyed him in an angry way, "What is the meaning of this?"  
  
Faramir shot the old man a glance, "He is Boromir, eldest son of the Steward. Show your respect."  
  
The Official looked grievously at Boromir, "My lord. I am sorry."  
  
Boromir nodded, "It's alright."  
  
Owynvan stepped up and looked perturbed, "Is something the matter, Lord Boromir?"  
  
He felt Hallahiriel's wary gaze on him and met her eyes, "Yes, I fear that something is very wrong."  
  
The crowd, now two hundred strong , gathered closer to hear what he had to say. Boromir did not look at them or Owynvan, but kept his eyes affixed on the girl, "Hallahiriel cannot marry you. I will not allow it."  
  
Hallahiriel had become vulnerable with Boromir's display. She gripped Owynvan's hand tightly and spoke, "For what reason?"  
  
Owynvan nodded in solidarity with his betrothed, "Yes, for what reason?"  
  
Boromir stepped closer to her and gave her a honest look, "Well, I--"  
  
He saw Faramir out of the corner of his eye and saw that he had an amused look on his face. Boromir knew that he must do it and stepped forward to take Hallahiriel's free hand with his own. He laid it against his face and kissed the open palm, "I love her and I cannot live without her."  
  
A loud burst of approval came from the crowd, seeing the Steward's eldest son make such a bold move. Hallahiriel blushed fiercely and looked to Owynvan, who grew angry with embarrassment. He clenched his fists, "So you've come to steal her away, have you?"  
  
Boromir put a finger beneath Hallahiriel's chin and raised it to have her meet his gaze, "That I have. I love you, Halla. I wish for you to marry me."  
  
The crowd cheered noisily at the proposal. Owynvan stepped close to Boromir, "You fail to remember, my lord, that she is marrying me at this very moment. I fear that you are too late."  
  
Suddenly a familiar female voice made it's way through the crowd, "No!"  
  
Owynvan, Faramir, Boromir and Hallahiriel all turned to meet the steely sight of Therassa approaching. She hurried to Boromir's side, "Lord Boromir, you cannot love her! She is a filthy barmaid from Dol Amroth. I am the one you should marry."  
  
The crowd sneered and hissed at Therassa. Boromir shook his head, "I fear not, Therassa. You are a contemptuous girl with a hard heart"  
  
Owynvan pushed Boromir away from both women and stared Boromir down, "First you take my bride and now you insult my sister? I will not have it!"  
  
He lunged at Boromir and his fist connected with the latter's lip. The people in the crowd cried out in anger. Boromir felt a small surge of blood fill his mouth. He smiled angrily, he had wished to do this for a long time, "That was not a good move, boy."  
  
Seeing the look on Boromir's face struck fear into the heart of Owynvan. Boromir dealt a heavy blow to Owynvan's abdomen and the boy toppled to the ground at Hallahiriel's feet. Therassa cried out in anger, "That's it!"  
  
Hallahiriel stood in a state of confused shock. What was going on? Therassa stalked up to her and slapped her across the face. She looked triumphant for a moment, "You have broken my family, you filthy wench. Now after all the heartache you have caused, you have stolen Boromir from me."  
  
Hallahiriel felt her face grow hot and she drew back her arm in retribution. She punched Therassa square in the nose and watched as the girl fell into a fountain. To her surprise, Hallahiriel heard the crowd cheer behind her. As Therassa sat up, drenched and aching, she yelled at her, "Don't flatter yourself, Therassa. He never really liked you anyway."  
  
The crowd cheered again and Hallahiriel met eyes with Boromir. Tears formed in her eyes and she ran away from him and through the crowd. Boromir called to her and started to run after her, when he felt his brother hinder him, "I think we've done enough for tonight. Come, let's return home and have Corerith tend to you. Leave Halla be for the night."  
  
Boromir felt his heart drop a bit, but inherently knew that his brother was right. He had done enough for the night.  
  
~~  
  
Early the next morning, Boromir awoke in the chair in the hall he had fallen asleep in. The corner of his bottom lip was purple and swollen and he felt the bitter sting of blood in his mouth. Quietly, the door creaked open behind him and he called, "Corerith, would you bring me something to drink and a cloth?"  
  
There was no answer and looked up to meet the blue-gay eyes he had longed to see. Hallahiriel stood above him with a concerned look on her face. She was dressed in a simple blue dress, her red-gold hair worn long and loose. Boromir felt himself rendered speechless as he attempted to stand to meet her. Hallahiriel quickly dropped her belongings and pushed him back into the chair gently, "You stay there. I will fetch it for you."  
  
Boromir barely nodded and waited for her to come back. Hallahiriel appeared before him again, this time carrying a tea tray and a damp cloth. She set the tray down and kneeled down beside him. She picked up the cloth and placed a hand on his neck gently. She dabbed it to his lower lip and he winced. Hallahiriel smiled, "Does it hurt much?"  
  
He shook his head, "No. Would it please you if it did?" Hallahiriel spoke plainly, "No."  
  
She looked thoughtful, "Did you mean it?"  
  
Boromir nodded, "I did."  
  
She dabbed again and asked, "You're sure you weren't trying to prove a point by trying to toy with me?"  
  
Boromir winced again, "No. Were you?"  
  
Hallahiriel sighed and put down the cloth, "Maybe I was."  
  
Boromir reached to her and brushed the back of his hand against her cheek, "I am sorry, Halla."  
  
Hallahiriel half-smiled, "As am I. I was a hateful girl and I never meant to act in such a manner. I am indebted you and Faramir for the rest of my life."  
  
He gave her a confused look, "Why did you consent to Owynvan?"  
  
Hallahiriel sighed and shifted her weight as she stood on her knees, "He offered me everything he had to give. No one has ever done such for me-- not even my father. Owynvan loved me, though I doubt he still does."  
  
Boromir leaned over the chair's arm and closer to her, "Do you love him?"  
  
She looked away from him and drew a deep breath, "No. I never did. Yet I used him and then hurt him. You were right, I have become cruel."  
  
Boromir slipped out of the chair and onto the floor where Hallahiriel kneeled. He stood on his knees before her, took her face in his hands and searched for answers, "Halla, I have been miserable since you have been away. My feelings for you reach so deep. I did not truly understand them until you were gone. I offer you my heart, my hands--all of me. I offer you my life."  
  
Hallahiriel remained wide-eyed in silence as Boromir felt anxiety wash over him. He studied her closely and pleaded, "Speak Halla, or I fear that my heart may burst from my chest."  
  
She blinked out of her reverie and spoke slowly to ensure the words came out right, "I do not know what to say, my lord, except that I am yours completely and truly."  
  
Boromir felt a smile creep onto his lips. He pulled her to his chest, his hands resting on the small of her back. Hallahiriel circled her arms around his neck and drew his mouth to hers. Boromir kissed her with longing and utter joy. Hallahiriel's cheeks flushed and she opened her mouth to his. She felt Boromir release a small cry against her lips. She pulled back with concern, "Boromir?" He smiled and pointed to his bottom lip, "Gentle, love. It still stings."  
  
Hallahiriel smiled in relief as Boromir smoothed her hair away from her face. He turned serious, "I love you, Halla."  
  
She smiled again, "And I you."  
  
Boromir trailed kisses down her neck and eyed her belongings, "So you are home to stay?"  
  
Hallahiriel's fingers became lost in his hair, "As long as you would have me, my lord."  
  
Boromir raised his head and kissed her lips again, "Until the end of days."  
  
They held each other quietly, Hallahiriel placed her hand to his chest and felt his heart pacing. Boromir took the same hand and kissed it tenderly, "Are you going to marry me?"  
  
Hallahiriel sighed and feigned seriousness, "Someday. Though I fear last night has put me off weddings for good."  
  
Boromir chuckled, "What a fine mess it was."  
  
Suddenly, Faramir came through the door and called to his brother, "Boromir, I have just talked with Aethlien and there is still no sign of--"  
  
Faramir caught sight of them on the floor, in each other's embrace and smiled brightly, "Right. Hello, Halla. I'm just on my way out. You both go back to whatever the two of you were doing."  
  
With that, Faramir turned on his heel and marched out of the hall with a huge grin on his face.  
  
~~  
  
A/ - Next Chapter is the last chapter--or the last I have planned. If you think that I should go any further than that, please review and let me know. I would like to write more, but I fear that I may go to far.  
  
I have a few questions for my reviewers--  
  
Should Halla and Boromir wed?  
  
What of the inevitable future?  
  
Should it be AU?  
  
Should the next story parody another film? If so--what?  
  
Thank you all!  
  
Special shout outs to Angel of Harlem ("And I an aunt"--you crack me up!), Simply Sara (Glad you're a romantic! I plan more for Faramir and Boromir soon. Thank you for the lovely reviews!), pmochizuki (Glad you like my interpretation of Faramir. I'm very happy that you are reading!), Bonnie Lass (Thanks for the Shaw bit. What a complement!), Laureate (Here's the update! Thanks for the review!) and DiamondTook3 (you always seem to be the first to review! Thank you so much!)  
  
--Leah P. 


	13. Overture

*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth, Corerith, Lady Brumwen, Therassa, Owynvan and Gweddyn.  
  
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship." Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.  
  
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY  
  
By Leah Pensotti  
  
Chapter Thirteen: Overture  
  
Hallahiriel could barely believe it. Her life had completely changed in a matter of months. She and Boromir were to be married during the Yule, which was little more than a month away. Denethor was less than pleased that his eldest son was to wed a barmaid, however, Hallahiriel's acclaim brought her much recognition because of her performance in Dol Amroth. Many suitors had come to Minas Tirith to ask for Hallahiriel's hand, but all were rebuffed by the Steward. Denethor boasted to the men that his eldest son had already beaten them to the punch and that all their traveling and effort have proved feckless. In this respect, the betrothal brought much pride to Gondor and especially to the Steward.  
  
Hallahiriel, in the meantime, had taken to working in Aethlien's shop as a seamstress. She had become quite good at sewing and making clothes. Boromir, Faramir and Corerith's wardrobes had increased by double, thanks to Hallahiriel's incessant need to practice.  
  
On a particularly rainy afternoon, Hallahiriel and Faramir sat in the hall near the hearth. He had his nose in a thick book and Hallahiriel worked steadily on a tunic. She sighed in a frustrated tone and Faramir took notice.  
  
"Is everything all right, Halla?"  
  
"No," she said briskly.  
  
She looked up at Faramir worriedly, "I'm doing this wrong."  
  
"Why don't you put it down for a moment?" Faramir offered.  
  
Hallahiriel tossed the tunic aside and smiled wearily, "I am making the tunic for Boromir. I hope that he'll wear it the day of our wedding."  
  
Faramir smiled and closed his book, "That day will be here soon."  
  
"Indeed." Hallahiriel sighed and spoke again, "How long has Boromir been gone, Faramir?"  
  
Faramir counted the days, "Only ten days, Halla."  
  
"And when did he say he would return?" She asked hastily.  
  
"In three weeks."  
  
Hallahiriel sighed again, "I never thought that I'd miss him."  
  
Faramir chuckled, "And I never thought that you would marry him."  
  
"Me either." Hallahiriel giggled happily, "What a strange pair we make."  
  
"Boromir certainly met his match in you, Halla. In more ways than one."  
  
Hallahiriel laughed again and then turned serious, "Why did you not go with him to Dol Amroth, Faramir?"  
  
Faramir's face fell a bit, "Father bid him to go to Imrahil's alone."  
  
Hallahiriel reached over and patted his arm, "I am glad for the company, Faramir. I dare think what would happen if Corerith and I were left alone. I would drive the woman mad."  
  
Faramir smiled in gratitude and Hallahiriel picked up the tunic again. She fought back feelings of sadness and turned her attention to her sewing as the rain poured down outside.  
  
~~  
  
Two weeks later, Hallahiriel and Corerith were making ready the dress that the former was to wear in a marriage ceremony at the end of the week. Hallahiriel stuck a pin through the hem of the silvery dress and into the skin of her right thumb.  
  
"Blast!" She cried in disgust. She was distracted with thoughts of Boromir. He had been delayed in Dol Amroth and sent word that he would be a few days late.  
  
Corerith ran to her side and inspected the tiny wound, "You'll be all right, girl. I bargain it just took you by surprise. Come now, you don't want to bleed on your wedding gown. Go and wash up."  
  
Hallahiriel walked over to the basin and poured some water from the jug. She looked out the window of her room and down to the gate. She turned away to reach for a clean cloth and heard the sound of a horse's hooves. She looked out the window anxiously and waited with bated breath until the horse and rider appeared in full few. Hallahiriel's breath caught in her lungs and swiftly ran out of her room and down the stairs.  
  
Corerith flew after her in a fit of dismay, "Hallahiriel! There'll be no running in the house! What is wrong with you, girl?"  
  
Faramir rose from his chair in the hall and eyed Corerith strangely, "What's the matter?"  
  
Corerith shrugged and continued her pursuit of Hallahiriel. Faramir dropped the book that he was reading and followed suit. Outside, Hallahiriel called frantically, "Boromir!"  
  
Boromir couldn't help but smile as he saw the young woman running toward him. He dismounted quickly and caught her up in his arms. Hallahiriel sprang into a leap and knocked Boromir clear off his feet and they both went tumbling to the ground. Hallahiriel fell on top of him and all the air left his body.  
  
She gaped at him worriedly, "Oh! Boromir, I am sorry! Are you all right?"  
  
Boromir struggled to regain his breath and looked at her hovering above him, her copper-colored hair caught the cold wind wildly. He mustered a smile and whispered hoarsely, "It's good to see you too, Halla."  
  
She smiled sheepishly and helped him to sit up, "I have missed you, my lord."  
  
Boromir nodded, "And I have missed you as well."  
  
Hallahiriel stood and offered her hand to him. He accepted it gladly and stood before her. She looked up to him with a mischievous look in her eyes, "Are you not going to kiss me, my lord?"  
  
Boromir raised an eyebrow to her in amusement, "Only if the lady insists."  
  
Hallahiriel nodded and Boromir kissed her longingly. His arms pulled her to him tightly by the waist and Hallahiriel released a relieved whimper. All of her nerves and fears were dashed with one embrace.  
  
Boromir took notice of her cold skin and pulled away gently, "Let's go inside, love. Or you'll surely catch your death. You should've worn a cloak, silly girl."  
  
He covered Hallahiriel's shoulders with his arm and his own cloak and they made their way to the door where Faramir and Corerith waited for them. Corerith stifled a fit of laughter and Faramir merely grinned. He couldn't remember his brother ever acting this way.  
  
As Boromir and Hallahiriel passed, Faramir nodded to his brother, "Good to have you home, Boromir."  
  
Boromir chuckled and patted Faramir with his free hand, "It is good to be home, little brother."  
  
~~  
  
Boromir and Faramir waited in the courtyard for the ceremony to begin. Both were dressed in the formal garb of the city with swords on their hips. Boromir looked about nervously and scanned the small party that came to watch the nuptials. Corerith, Denethor and Aethlien stood before them, as well as Imrahil and his wife who had journeyed from Dol Amroth with Hallahiriel's father in tow. Gweddyn had cleaned up his appearance and had not had a sip of drink in a month. Faramir turned to his brother curiously and saw him wring his hands. Faramir leaned toward him, "How are you faring, brother?"  
  
"Well. I am doing very well." Boromir responded shakily.  
  
Faramir nodded his head knowingly, "You are nervous."  
  
"I am not."  
  
"You are. You look as though you'll break into convulsions." Faramir noted with a happy tone.  
  
Boromir looked around again, "Be honest with me, Faramir. Do I look ridiculous?"  
  
Faramir laughed loudly, "You look fine, Boromir. You're just nervous. Everything will be fine. Soon the ceremony will commence, then the feast and then you and Halla will, er, retire."  
  
Boromir's eyes widened and he nodded, "That's right."  
  
Faramir nodded and patted his brother's back reassuringly. Soon the official appeared and the gate opened to reveal Hallahiriel in her silver- hued gown with long flowering sleeves. She wore her hair pulled away from her face and in long, burnished red-gold waves. A thin silver circlet rested on her brow and about her neck she wore the blue stone filigreed necklace of Finduilas, Boromir and Faramir's mother.  
  
Boromir's heart jumped into his throat as he watched his bride approach. Faramir whispered to his brother, "Breathe, Boromir."  
  
~~  
  
As the feast dwindled to a close, Hallahiriel eyed her husband curiously as he spoke with his brother and cousin, Prince Imrahil. She found herself in the company of her father, something that she had planned never to do. Yet, Gweddyn had changed miraculously.  
  
"I'm proud of yeh, girl."  
  
Hallahiriel raised an eyebrow to her father and nodded, "How so?"  
  
Gweddyn shrugged and ruffled the hair on his balding head, "Yeh've made something of yehr self. Yeh married a good man, yeh did."  
  
"Yes, he is a good man." Hallahiriel's eyes fell on Boromir as he laughed at something Faramir said. He caught her eye for a moment, excused himself from the conversation and walked to her side.  
  
"Hallahiriel and I thank you all very much for attending, however, I fear that the evening must come to an end." Boromir took Hallahiriel by the hand and they bid their guests farewell. Prince Imrahil and his wife were the first to leave, soon followed by Corerith and Aethlien.  
  
Denethor embraced his son and spoke gently to Hallahiriel, "I never thought this day would come, girl. You were the one that changed his mind on marriage. Perhaps you should work on changing his mind about children next."  
  
Hallahiriel blushed furiously as Boromir bid his father goodnight. Gweddyn kissed Hallahiriel lightly on the cheek and nodded, "I know I didn't do right by yeh, Halla. Maybe someday yeh'll forgive me fer bein' such a dratted nit. I'll make it up to yeh."  
  
Hallahiriel nodded solemnly and watched as her father hobbled out of the door. Faramir patted Boromir's shoulder and grinned, "Congratulations, brother. I am quite happy that I got to see this day."  
  
"If it weren't for you, Faramir, this day would've probably never come." Boromir hugged his brother and then Faramir turned to Hallahiriel.  
  
"I am glad to have you as a sister, Halla. I could not imagine our home without you."  
  
Hallahiriel smiled warmly and kissed Faramir on the cheek, "Thank you, Faramir. You are my dear friend."  
  
Faramir turned and walked to the door. He spun on his heel to give them one last look, "Do not worry about any responsibilities tomorrow. They have all been taken care of."  
  
Boromir smiled, "Thank you, Faramir."  
  
Faramir nodded and made his way through the door, shutting it soundly behind him. Boromir counted to ten and then scooped Hallahiriel up in his arms and proceeded to carry her upstairs. Hallahiriel giggled nervously and looked up at him, "I am perfectly capable of walking, Boromir."  
  
"I just didn't want you to tire yourself. It has, after all, been a very long day." Boromir commented as they grew nearer to their quarters.  
  
Hallahiriel pushed open the bedroom door for him and then wrapped her arms around his neck, "The day's not finished yet, dearest."  
  
Boromir kissed her lips in a teasing manner, "That is very true."  
  
~~  
  
A/N: That's the end of "My Fair Barmaid: A Comedy." Never you fear, Halla and Boromir will continue in the next story. I have plans and outlines for two more stories with Boromir, Hallahiriel and Faramir. Most of the second and the third will involve the cannon. I should have the new story up within a week. Please Read and Review and let me know what you think. I enjoy feedback and like to hear what my readers think should happen!  
  
Love you all!  
  
Leah P.  
  
A Note to My Friends:  
  
Angel of Harlem glad you liked the chappie, completely agree with Bono. But hey, I hear that U2 plans to tour 18 months from 2005-2006. That is a great thing! integrate_cos(2x) You are very worthy! Glad to hear you liked "Pygmalion" and "My Fair Lady!" Be sure to stick around! Spaci Ireth I am still looking for another film to Parody, I have lots of ideas but I may end up winging it! Diamond Took 3 What a good suggestion with Owynvan. He and Therassa will definitely show up again! Stay tuned! Bonnie Lass I want Boromir to survive, I have ideas to keep him alive hopefully they will fit nicely. Iona I've come to love Faramir very deeply. He is such a good character. Now I know what Tolkien meant when he said he did not plan to write him, but he "came walking through the woods of Ithilien,"or something of the like. The stories will be AU now. Mysteryscienceseed Cannon, sadness, parting check! All will figure into the next stories. Thanks for the kind words! I'm blushing! 


End file.
